Just Play It Safe Then

I'm listening to: "Falling Out of Trees" by Barcelona

...I wake up early now.  It's around 6:50a.m.  I feel like I'm getting older.  I know my body is.  I pray that my mind stays young and open. 

I've been thinking a lot recently about risks....taking risks.... Some of us are risk takers and some of us like to play it safe.  I don't know how you get to be one or the other, but its true. 

 I've been thinking that the safest place for a boat or ship to be is docked at a harbor.  That is the best, and safest place that a ship could ever be.  No one is at risk or at danger on a boat that is docked.  No emergencies, nothing unexpected...calm.  However., that is not why boats where made...Boats weren't made to sit tied next to a dock.  It is dangerous to take your ship out and sail, who knows what can happen, but that is how this entire world was discovered.... people could have been comfortable and just sat, and played it safe, but someone decided to take a risk, a journey and explore something that has never been explored before.  And look at where our curious minds have taken us. Amazing discoveries all over the world.  But none of it would have happened unless someone decided to step out and take a risk. And taking risks isn't all peachy, fun, and super... its a risk, its dangerous, its unexpected, its random, its deadly, its amazing, its beautiful, its life, its living, its purpose, its destiny. 

And when I think about Where You Are, I see us taking a risk. I see us casting our sails into the dark ocean, without having a clue what is ahead of us.... There are no guarantees of success....failure lurks below us....there is no safe bet...But its all worth it.  I'm certain that no great things in life are achieved without someone taking a risk, usually a big one.  The great thing about us though is that we are are not alone.  Are hands are held by many would take this risk with us, who chose to get on the Where You Are ship and sail with us towards change, and real life. Don't forget about those impossible things..... you know those insane dreams....they are most realistic ones in my opinion.  Why do we continue to want things that we know are within our reach?  Don't forget about that passion, that love, that hunger for something more.  And I know that is inside of so many people, but if we could just wake up, and look around and actually see our cage of comfortability, we could change it.  Don't get lost in your life... Don't settle... Don't believe the lies that they've told to you, not one word is true...not one word is true.. Believe bigger, dream bigger than your dreams, live more, break your routine, take a risk.... gamble.... and yes you may get hurt along the way....but how long will we be robots in our mechanical lives.....or......

...just play it safe...

I'll Take The Sticks and Stones Anyday

I'm listening to :"Alibi" by David Gray

Music is so powerful.  One of the easiest ways to figure out a persons mood is to listen to the music that they are listening too.  Music has always been a huge part of my life. I love it. People sometimes as me what kind of music do I like... my response is always the same. I like Good Music. and Good Music has no genre.  So that is why I love letting you know what I'm listening to as I write, gives you a little more insight into me.  

Thanks for reading and support this cause. 

When I was younger I would always here that song...or whatever it is... "stick and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me"... I never understood that.  I guess I still don't understand it.  A really really really good friend of mine, was working on a film this past weekend and wanted my feedback.  I watched it and I thought it was very funny.  So I emailed him my thoughts and my congrats.  He response was so interesting... "josh your words are life to me".  I feel the same way.  Words are everything...and most of the time it's the only thing that you actually have.  And if words can be life, then they also can be death....isn't that worse than a few broken bones... I guess to each his own.... I'm a writer, so I guess thats also why words are so important to me, how they are chosen, why they are positioned in the way that they are. I put a lot of thought into that.

...Your words have been life me guys... Seriously, I see your comments on the facebook, and I see your emails, that you have taken time to write to me... your words are life to me. They give me hope and strength to continue to push this boulder forward.  I long to be in Swaziland...holding a child and speaking Life to them.  There is so much power in a hug, a smile...in your eyes, and real love knows no language barrier. 

If we only knew that our words give life/death...we don't know that. I'm trying to learn that... if we knew it, we would be careful....slow to speak... we would be so careful in what we said to each other...jokes or not.... 

It's a very tough road to Where You Are...but the boulder slowly moves, and with your help it will continue. Thank you very much for the love. 

we need you.

this is sarah.  again.  i haven't written anything on here in three months, which is no good.  i'm surprised josh hasn't shunned me.  not that he's the shunning type.

we've had a pretty exciting few days with where you are, and for the studio in general.  

call us facebook ignorant, but we really had no idea how great it would be to start a fan page.  all of the sudden, we feel so much momentum, we feel propelled.  

all of this facebook stuff, and feeling supported by so many people, has really made me think.

we can't do this alone.  we say that, everyone says that.  but really.  this is impossible without you. 

one time i climbed a mountain.  a pretty real mountain, i think.  it was amazing.  i climbed it with three other people, and we were a pretty ragtag group... none of us expert mountain-climbers by any stretch of the imagination.  me, lucretia, mike, and joe.

it was a really hot day, and it was a really steep mountain.  we were so inspired at the bottom looking up.  it all seemed so possible, so beautiful, such a perfect thing to do.

then we started climbing.

and then i considered hurling my body off the mountain so that i could be free from the pain tearing through my muscles.

in the initial stages of this-was-a-huge-mistake-edness, i thought it was all pretty funny.  here we were, stuck halfway up a mountain, miserable.  that's comedic.  and then it pretty much lost all humor to me and i was pretty irritated.  i'm so glad mike was with us, though.  he cracked jokes left and right, kept us laughing.  he made it so much more bearable.  couldn't have made it without him.

another big obstacle was taking breaks.  it was necessary to take breaks on this climb.  absolutely.  the problem was that whenever we sat down, we (or i...) found it extremely hard to get up.  i felt completely enraptured with the idea of taking breaks, long breaks, and that just wasn't going to work if we ever wanted to make it up to the top.  i'm glad lucretia was with us, though.  she knew that no matter how hard it was, we needed to get up and go. couldn't have made it without her.

at certain points during the climb, we'd stop and look at the enormity of what we still had to climb.  it was dizzyingly overwhelming.  seemingly impossible.  and profoundly discouraging.  it was horrible.  i'm so glad joe was with us, though.  he set tiny, achievable goals for us as we climbed... make it to this rock, or climb for three minutes without any breaks.  couldn't have made it without him.

about a third of the way up, we realized that our half liter bottles of water were gone.  completely.  the sun was so strong--sucking up every ounce of fluid in us.  i'm glad i was there, though.  that morning, i had thrown an extra 1.5 liter bottle of water into my backpack for the climb; the perfect amount to share between us for the rest of the climb.  couldn't have made it without me.

...

right now, we stand in front of a mountain, and we aren't foolish enough to think that we're going to be able to do this alone.  we need you.  and maybe you're reading this, thinking that you have no idea what you can do, how you can help, but you have something.  everyone has something.

so come to the foot of this mountain, bring what you have.  bring your talents, your words, your love and concern.  let's dig our feet into the earth and climb until pain tears through our muscles.  

and then let's keep climbing.  

climbing and climbing through the pain until we see no mountain ahead of us, can turn around, and take in the view.  hold hands, dance, and celebrate.

and the climb will be worth it.  the view from the top is amazing, i know it.

we need you.

Freedom

I'm listening to: "Too Late" by: M83

Thank you for following this blog.  It's encouraging to know that there are people that are passionate about...people....living life better...  Thank you

I'm not one to talk about my personal life on the internet... I have never had a myspace, or facebook, or anything like that, I don't see the point. but this... this project I love sharing my struggles and successes with you.  It's real.  And hopefully one day, someone will go back and read this long wordy blog and find an ounce of hope on their journey to film creation.  

One thing I don't like about websites and blogs, is that they don't get updated alot. The writers don't write...uggg...but I wanted to let you know why I haven't been updating it so much.  On March 16th, 2009, my wife and I had a beautiful baby girl. She is incredible... and stealing all my time, and I love every minute of it.  And as I'm writing to you right now,  she is starring at me with her bright bold eyes.  Being a father is the absolute best... it's the greatest story I could ever tell.  It's amazing that a humans can create humans, its amazing.  And I'm not one to get all spiritual on you here, but anyone who says God doesn't exist is an idiot.  I'm not sure how you can say that, and hold a child in your arms, and see how perfectly there face is crafted, and how their lungs breathe in and out, and how they know your voice, and feel safe only in your arms, that is not science, that isn't. That is unexplainable, and to me...only someone, full of love, someone supernatural, could create something so unexplainable, so perfect... I guess the counter to this argument is how could a god exists when horrible things like 911 happen.... Well maybe that has nothing to do with God, and maybe it has everything to do with corrupt people doing hateful things... 

off my little box now...

I thought making this project would get a lot harder because I have a child, but honestly she makes me want to do it even more.  Because on March 16th, 2009 another child was born in Swaziland, that has AIDS... and that child has no clue that her mom or dad will die in a few years from the same disease that she has... We are lucky...we are blessed...we are corrupt. As one is born, another one dies. That is so heavy... It's tough to deal with, and as I hold my daughter, I think about her, and how thankful I am, and how I want to do, not only this project, but other projects like it. So, that fathers and mothers can hold their children, and give them baths, and play silly games with them. We aren't living until that happiness exists around the world... and maybe it never will, maybe there will always be disease, and death... But that isn't my dream, that isn't what's in my heart. That world, that dream, is worth fighting for...its worth dying for...

Oh... My daughters name is Freedom...

Purposeless Life

I'm listening to: "Still" by Ben Folds

Three days ago, my close friend, and producer Zachariah Lewis got married. I was able to get up to D.C. and be with him and celebrate. It's so much colder in DC, but it's good to feel the seasons sometimes, ya know. The ceremony was perfect, not super long, not super short, filled with emotion, just the way its suppose to be. What I love watching was just the two of them.... completely in love.... sharing life together... it makes sense...

We finally have begun to cast for this amazing project. (don't worry i'll come back to my above thoughts, you know me, all over the place). We are casting in New York City, and Washington D.C. This is one of my favorite per-productions times, finally putting beautiful faces to these characters who are already alive. We are getting a lot of great responses. Thank you to everyone who has been reading the blog and leaving your comments.  Its helps to feel the warm love. 

And I know that is what this project is all about.  Similar to this wedding.....

Life has no purpose unless its shared.... shared... with people. 

Where You Are:Project Swaziland is meaningless without a group a people coming together and saying "enough is enough", and we might not change a damn thing, but we are going to give it our all.  Shared.  Live together. I think about all the amazing things that have happened in this world, and though one person might get the credit, its always a team, always a unit, a support group, that really made it happen.  Cause everyone doubts, no matter what, but its the strength in others that allows your to rise higher than you thought you could.  I'm excited to share this journey with talented actors and actresses, and crew members.  The fact that we are doing it together makes it for me, for us. 

So gather round friends... the exclusive hollywood style is far from our studio. C&I Studios is all about change. 

There's No Room For Man-Pleasing

I'm listening to: "Elysium" by: Hans Zimmer

I have a Honda Metropolitan.  I love it.  I drive it a lot.  I live in Florida if you haven't figured that out yet.  But I love my scooter, and my favorite drive is from Fort Lauderdale Beach to South Beach.  Just driving down the road with the sand and my friend,  the Atlantic Ocean next to me. It's a beautiful, just captivating journey.  I really enjoy it.  It frees me to think about life, and ideas, and this project.  

A big part of this project, is finding the organization and people that we are going to link up with in Swaziland and work with.  Well, that big question has finally been answered.  Susan Creamer, of swazichild.com has welcomed us, and allowed us to be a part of the amazing organization that she has started.  She is amazing, always giving, and the crazy thing is she is located in Fort Lauderdale Florida, (when she isn't in Swaziland) about 5 miles from where I live. So amazing!  So, we have met and talked, shared stories, become friends... it's beenso  amazing.  It will be so great to work with her and all of these children and families. 

This project is so important and it means so much to me, to her, to us. 

As I was driving, I was just thinking about, how a lot of our lives, we spend so much time doing things for... credit. And yes, I know none of us want to say that we do, but it's so true.  We want people to notice us, look at what we are doing, approve of us, say that we are good people. We want other people to think highly of us, and tell their friends good things, amazing things about us.  Could we be so focused on people? our peers? of course. To your face?...no not at all, but secretly deep down, deep inside, we all want to be liked.... to be in demand....  none of us want to be outcasts, no matter how artsy fartsy we think we are.  Secretly we want the approval of man....

These thoughts made me remember to some conversations that Susan and I had.  It's hard to think that these people and these kids in Swaziland are just fighting for their lives, literally, trying to stay alive, trying to find clean water, they aren't caught up in the silly games that we play here.  They are just honest with themselves, whether its good or bad.  Honest.  We can learn so much from other people.  One thing I'm thinking about now,  is that we are going over to help them, give them hope and so on, raise awareness here in the States, make an impact for them, help them. But I think..... they will be helping us so much more.... without saying a single word to us, they will help us... make us better people.... maybe life isn't about making sure that my supervisor things highly of me, maybe its about something greater than that.... maybe life lessons can be learned at the strangest of places at the strangest times. I am learning that on this journey of life, we are wasting our time trying to secretly gain this "approval", this "acceptance".  If we could just focus on something greater, instead of that.... maybe we would see humanity upgrade to 2.0... 

just maybe... or maybe it was just a silly scooter ride...

I Wanna Scream So Loud For You

I'm listening to: __________________.

Where You Are is tough. 

For me this project is really hard.  I think its absolutely amazing to see how far we have come, and I will continue to press in through these hard times to achieve this seemingly impossible goal.  Today I asked myself why is it so hard... 

I remember when I was 10 and me and my brothers really loved Legos. Yes, Legos, remember those. They didn't have any electronic parts, no LCD screens, no batteries. They were the best thing to us.  At 10, it was my life's mission to acquire more Legos. More Legos than one could imagine. I remember constantly wanting more, but we had no money to buy more. I remember one day, we all had a plan to sell lemonade on the side of the road to get money for Legos. (This plan was sure to solve our problem).  We were so excited about it.  We planned it.  Mother secretly smiled as she made this perfect drink for us to sell.  I'm sure it's the cutest thing in the world to see your kids trying to sell lemonade to the neighbors.  And while it was cute, even then, I could see my mom....my biggest fan....ALWAYS supporting me.  We finally had enough lemonade and we tried to sell like crazy.  So funny to think about.... I remember at one point we had five dollars!!  Oh man.  Five Dollars.  That was huge. We went to Toys R Us. (why doesnt any child like Toys R Us anymore....all kids want now are ipods, laptops, iphones and Wii) strange...but anyway we bought this Lego set.  Well, we thought we did, but it was my dad who really bought it, and put our 5 dollars in our savings account. (ALWAYS supporting me). We put the set together, feeling so accomplished and we played. And played.... 

I feel like I've lost a lot of that.  Like life has stolen some of that pure passionate emotion, that "i can do anything attitude, cause i'm special" attitude.  Life has stolen that from me now. 

Now....I doubt....

...I doubt myself.  I think about every film that we make and I think to myself, how will you ever get the money to do this....I doubt....I try to save up all of my hope and press on...but at some point my love tank runs dry.  I build these huge projects and journey to film festivals and receive these compliments that floor me, but one comment like "man you are so far from this project" from someone,  just makes me shrivel up, and want to run back to the safe arms of my mother. 

So here I am. A project before me... Several projects before me. Knowing that people are counting on me... wanting me to continue on (even if they say so or not). 

My soul is screaming out... 

...but...

...i will not stop. Life is a journey, and my goal is to learn to Enjoy the Journey. My prayer is to take back, my boyish confidence that once ran through me... Life isn't about me. It isn't about what I want to do... It's about finding the strength to do what NEEDS to be done. 

There is a need... and I will die.....before I quit.