I Probably Shouldn't Be Posting This

I'm listening to: "Obsession" by Delirious

(if you have that song, listen to it as you read this)

Just came off of a very rough phone call. Where You Are has one really big challenge. The project has gotten so big, but maintaining the integrity is one the hardest things I've ever tried to do. We need help...production help. So many producers have expressed interest in helping us with funding and so on. And while that is exactly what this project needs....Money...I don't want to just get it anyway I can. I had this conversation with a producer:

Producer: You aren't going to find any investor who cares about your project...all they want is to know how much money they are going to make.

Joshua: Well, I don't want that. I want them to care, and know what they are giving to.

Producer: Thats not reality, you'll never find that, you need to be understanding, and get back to reality, that isn't how it works.

Joshua: We can find that. And its really important to me that we work with people who are passionate about what we are doing, not just throwing money at it.

It went a lot deeper than that, but man it was so hard. Contracts were almost signed, but I just didn't feel good about it, I went back and forth actually. But in my core, I believe in the impossible. I believe in impossible things. This whole project is about people caring about each other, how could accept this selfish money, that only cares about making more. Isn't the integrity of what we are doing important? So something had to be sacrificed. And it wasn't the integrity of the project. And it never will be. The conversation ended with the producer telling me that "Aids has been around for a long time...big deal...you'll need to find something stronger".....

...go to africa, see a child with Aids...kneel down, look him in the eyes, and say...

"big deal"

The Cards

I'm listening to: nothing...just nothing

I woke up today thinking about my kid. How absolutely amazing she is. 7-months tomorrow. Funny, I look at her sometimes and think "wow we are your parents?.....you are mine?" its so interesting. We didn't get to pick her, she didn't get to choose us....she didn't fill out a form and say that she wanted to live in Fort Lauderdale, by the beach, and wanted a great mom and great dad. Freedom was just giving to us...we were given to her....those are our cards.

My great close friend of many years, Tara, sent me this poem this morning, super early this morning like 12am. And you can call it cheesy or campy, but its dead on in my opinion.

We pray for children
Who give sticky kisses
Who hop on rocks and chase butterflies,
Who stomp in puddles and ruin their math homerwork,
Who can never find their shoes.

And we pray for those
Who stare at photographers from behind barbed wires,
Who've never squeaked across the floor in new sneakers,
Who are born in places we wouldn't be caught dead,
Who never go to the circus,
Who live in an X-rated world.

We pray for children
Who who bring us fistfuls of flowers and sing off key
Who have goldfish funerals
And slurp their cereal on purpose
Who spit toothpaste all over the sink
And hug us for no reason.

And we pray for those
Who never get dessert,
Who watch their parents watch them die,
Who have no safe blanket to drag behind,
Who can't find bread to steal,
Who don't have rooms to clean up,
Whose pictures aren't on anybody's dresser,
Whose monters are real.

We pray for those
Who throw tantrums in the grocery store,
And pick at their food,
Who shove dirty clothes under the bed
And never rinse out the tub,
Who don't like to be kissed in front of their friends,
Who squirm in church and scream on the phone,
Whose tears we sometimes laugh at
And whose smiles can make us cry.

And we pray for those
Whose nightmares come in the daytime,
Who will eat anything,
Who have never seen a dentist,
Who aren't spoiled by anybody,
Who go to bed hungry and cry themselves to sleep
Who live and move, but have no being.

We pray for children
Who want to be carried
And for those who must.
For those we never give up on,
And for those who don't have a chance.
For those we smother,
And for those who will grab the hand of anybody
kind enough to offer.

Makes me think about America, Where You Are, Swaziland, and children around the wold. Makes me think about these missionaries who leave this great nation to spend time, and help others in needs in places we wouldn't dream in living. Amazing. Then that make me question, is Freedom spoiled, because she was born here? Am I somehow better because I was born here...No. Those are just the cards...and its about what we do with them that matters.

I started to think about why C&I does what it does. If you don't know anything about Where You Are:Project Swaziland, let me sum it up for you, simply. People have issues, problems all of the world, and people in America either don't care, are too "busy" to care, decide its "not their problem", or block it all out. The biggest problem in this world, the absolute largest problem, bigger than AIDS and Cancer is how people (mostly Americans) sit here, work here live here, watch the news, read the newspapers, know that there are problems all over the world, and do NOTHING....people love to talk....they even talk about the problems in the world, and what people "should" be doing...but it takes special people to DO. As those people read this, they immediately come up with excuses and try to justify their lifestyles, and come up with other things that they are "doing"..."I give this amount of money to the Red Cross, and blah blah blah", and i'm not dissin that...i'm just saying, any kid I know....and i've known kids, work with kids for a very very very long time....they would much rather...a hug...kicking a ball with you, you showing them love...giving them hope....rather than your money....

America is C&I's mission field....and we will never rest until hearts and minds are changed.

Join the Revolt!

Avenue of the Stars

I'm listening to: "All I Really Wanna Do" by "Bob Dylan

Anyone in the film industry knows the address "1000-2000 Avenue of the Stars". Home of the Creative Artists Agency, one of the biggest talent agencies in the world. I was at the post office today mailing off another little Where You Are nugget to one of my favorite agents-this time she called me to request information.

Things have been getting so stinking professional, its been weird for me. Of course we always do things with the highest quality. I'm just not to people talking about films as if they are dollars, instead of what they are about, and I never will get used to that. I've been having some good talks with these agents, and some of them could care less what the story is about...they just wanna know what the target audience is, and how much I think it will make. Funny. Hollywood is funny. I really think people listen to the loudest person thats talking....and right now thats Hollywood. Well guys....keep encouraging our little C&I engine, as we chug on down the line...Lets all make our voices loud....louder than the radio. The good news is there are good people still in the world, even at the Creative Artist Agent. So, keep your fingers cross as I think we are all being consistently shocked at where "Where You Are:Project Swaziland" is taking itself.

31

I'm listening to: "The Healing" by James Newton Howard

The average age for a woman in Swaziland is 31.

Restless

I'm listening to: Falling Slowly by: Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova

Sometimes I feel so close to this project. Things have been slowly falling into place over the last year an a half. This has been by far, the longest pre-production process I've ever been in. And its really been challenging for me. Why? I love to film. I live for it. I love being in ratty clothes, tired beyond your mind, looking at this preview screen, wearing headphones, watching the most talented people bring characters to life. I love the experience. I love how actors, and key grips, and gaffers, become friends, comrads...pals...(do people still say pal?)

I haven't been on a film set in over a year, and that has really been bothering me. We have chosen to stay focused on Where You Are and other feature films at this time, and we haven't been run and gunning like we used to. This will make for a much better film product in the end, I'm sure.

(iTunes changed...now I'm listening to: Prologue by: James Newton Howard, love him!)

So, for now we are still in pre production of Where You Are. We have officially signed on talent to the project (can't wait to tell you who), man there have been some exciting things that have happened. We are currently getting new producers as well. Its a lot. I'm humbled at how large this thing is...but ultimately despite everyone percentages and so on that we have to discuss and meet about, and all the contracts...

I just want to make this project. I just want to do it. And man, there is so much room for help. So many actors and crew members have told me "if I'm not cast, I still want to help". That is exactly what we need...help. Feel free to email me to get specifics on how you can help financially, and not. There is so much work, but it will be so rewarding as we step off that van in Siteki and look out on these people who have an understanding of life that we don't.

I want to make it so I can continue to realize how petite my issues and silly money problems are...none of it matters...I'm growing more and more thankful for the struggle that I'm in everyday, because some people...can't even struggle.

I'm writing a new film now by the way.....its titled... "Me, You, & the Road". Since we are close, I thought I should share that with you.

Live.

if you wanna help.....email us: contact@c-istudios.com