It's not over, it's never over

I'm listening to: Learning to Breathe by: Switchfoot

Where You Are is not over, our dream isn't over, our missing with C&I isn't over. We are just getting it all together.  Honestly, we haven't had a lot of luck with investors, funny, i'm not too surprised, our film doesn't have enough naked girls, fast cars and chase scenes. :)  But we are getting there. C&I corporate is really helping out. We are saving cash, working hard, and we will make it happen.

Its never over baby! I just need to blog more :)

Thanks for being our friends.

2bed, 2 bath

I'm listening to: The credits of the film "Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps"

I loved this film.  More importantly I love the message behind it.  ya know... all of us...really wanna be someone. we dream about it. we dream about the "what if's" and "our dreams"... "our dream moments"...we all wanna be successful... and sadly we all want money. And sure,  you say...I say..."well i don't need a lot of money, just enough to be comfortable".  Funny, if you ask people how they are doing, their response is usually based off of money. If someone is financially doing okay, they will answer with "i'm doing good, things are great"..if someone's bank account isn't so full, they'll say "yeah yeah...i don't know man...things are...whatever.  money, so powerful. we all wanna be powerful, successful, the kardashians..and entourage...90210 and madison ave.. but really, when we are quiet...none of are ready for that kind of financial success...we talk a big humanitarian game now...but what happens when 120 million dollars is deposited in your account...or 700 million dollars.... do we still drive our honda's and rent 2 bedroom and 2 baths.... or do we justify the 3 houses...and the live in chef...

we aren't ready yet...I wanna be better...I hate that kids are literally dying throughout the world...but i'll sleep good tonight..i will...and so you will you...a buddy of mind said "time flies when your having fun"... we aren't ready yet...but i know through faith, love, purpose and friends who tell you the truth, we will be.

...and where you are: project swaziland is very much alive.

Instead of a Show

I'm listening to: "For All We Know" by Further Seems Forever

hey. 

(5minutes just past)

This journey is so hard, but I adore what i'm learning along the way.  About people, about myself.  I wear it on my sleeves.  I wear my emotions in my eyes.  I'm in the airport headed back to Florida.  Standing at Gate #6.  I always fly in and out of Gate #6 in DCA….

I was on the good old Facebook page the other day, and I was looking at other peoples pages. Looking at all the "hey woah look how cool we are" stuff, "be sure to check out our awesome whatever" posts, "we are the best at what we do" updates. And it is almost always positive, upbeat, cool sounding, with a cool link. Do these companies just not struggle? Or they don't want you to think they are struggling…

Well I can't do that.  I wear it on my sleeves.  I have to be honest. I  can't post about how everything is just awesome. I can't post about how Where You Are is just so easy, going smooth.  I just have to be raw.  I don't like fake people.  I think its our worst quality as people.  You know, the people that just say whatever, just to say whatever.  Empty conversations filled with empty words.  I'm not like that.  C&I isn't like that.  When we have something awesome to share, we will share it.  When its tough, I also want you to know about it.  Cause we are doing this thing together, and know one told me about my dreams when I was growing up.  Everyone told me, go after your dreams, think about something you want to do for the rest of your life, something that you love, and do that.  No one told me about the pain, how hard it would be, the sacrifices that I would have to make.  How people don't really flock to you when things are "going well".  Following your dreams requires sacrifice.  Achieving your true purpose in life isn't a pretty romantic comedy.  But don't get the wrong idea, I'm not depressed, and I'm not unmotivated. I've never felt a fire like this ever before…but I want you to trust C&I. Trust that we are doing things differently. What other company will write on their page "we are going through some challenges, but we are working on it".  Find me one and email it to me.  I guess it appears too negative, so people stick with the the traditional, "we are doing so much awesome stuff, we are the best" type of stuff  But this way, when we do post something great, its actually great.  

In the about video that we made, I talked about how we would be open and honest with our fans.  I really meant that, wasn't just saying it cause it sounds genuine. It is genuine. Honesty isn't pretty sometimes, it sounds like an amazing character trait, but sometimes Honestly is tough, it can kill relationships, but I believe it's absolutely necessary. And the times in my life when I wasn't honest, led me to some of my darkest times. 

Always stay positive, always think about what you have, not what you don't have…those are always things that are told to me, and yes I agree. But I'm also going to tell you that staying positive isn't easy.  Shine in the terrible moments, in the awesome moments.  It's not easy. And despite all that is happening, we fight, we grow, we learn.  And the challenges we face with Where You Are will only make it even more beautiful when its done. I can't wait.  I wonder why I just don't quit sometimes, I sure think about it.  But it's because of you, its because whats inside. It's because of the few people in my life, that push me, that tell me to keep going.  Their is no fuel greater than encouragement. I got an awesome email from Windy Marshall the other day, just checking in with me to see who I was, and if there was anything she could do to help….

Fuel. 

wait

I'm listening to:"Sparks" by Coldplay

...I haven't written in a while. I haven't been able to.  Well, I'll get right to it.

We have reached a point in the project where things have gotten extremely hard, we've got some new challenges in front of us, and things are really rough. It's actually harder than its ever been before, and thats really tough to deal with.  The specifics don't really mater, we all know what its like to feel like you are going through something extremely difficult, and that is our situation right now.

I wanted to write, just to give a brief update. I'm sure people always wonder "what happened to that project".... it's alive...just hurting right now.

but, this project will happen.  When? Im not sure, but I do know that it will happen.

All for now...

It's What Inside

I'm listening to: "I and Love and You" by The Avett Brothers (my new song on repeat)


I'm not the type of person to listen to an entire album, believe me I like to, but usually I get to one track thats so piercing that I must put it on repeat. 


For the past two days we have been working pretty much every hour of the day on corporate work. Things have gotten so busy corporate wise, that its overwhelming. And yes, that is a good thing...but I'm not as excited about it as I should be, i guess


One of the hardest things for me to deal with recently is the fact that the corporate part of our business has been consuming me.  First, I'm super thankful.  Being your own boss is nifty, it does come with a strange set of challenges, odd schedule, and insane hustle, but its awesome!  I wouldn't go back to sitting in that desk, pushing those same buttons over and over again.  Looking at the clock to see if it was 5pm....ugggghh its only 1:32pm. Eat, Sleep, Repeat. 


My heart is to do my part on this earth. I don't wanna sit by watching tv shows, going to parties, watching movies, go to work, come home, a bday party here and there.   I'm here for a reason, and I want to do my part, I want to do what I was called to do.   I want to use my camera for good.  Telling the stories that need to told.  Making the films that no one else wants to make.  BUT, right now I've gotta shoot commercials...edit promos and so on...not that I don't like that, its just not as balanced as we want right now, and we are really working on that.  I wanna film the kids in Swaziland to show the kids in America.  And right now, I just don't have the resources to do those kinds of things....well its not resources at all, I do have the resources, I just don't have the money for plane tickets.  There is much that America needs to see.  There are thousands of companies that make corporate videos for corporations...C&I is so much more than that.


And its not just Where You Are, its the passion behind all the things that we do. We put up with the corporate because we know whats inside of us, we know whats driving us.  I guess if you look at that Facebook account we have you would see that we do tons of videos, work with companies a lot, promo after promo, intro after intro, round and round.  But don't get it twisted. I wish you really could understand what we are cooking in the C&I kitchen.  


And if you give me time....believe just a little harder, I'll show you that i'm not a corporate boy at all...I"m a story teller, and I tell my stories with a film camera, and I'm surround by people that have given up a lot of things, step out beyond themselves, beyond what they thought they could do, said no to  American dream, and we are all daring to change the world. and that is what we will always be about. 


Our site is a map of the world for a reason. 

I'm Better Than You

I'm listening to: "Lost Fur" by: Karen O the Kids

First I wanted to show you the Where You Are shirts that have been created by Sarah Scotti (she is the best, period) These shirts are work the AIDS walk that we are doing on March 28th. We are excited to walk with whoever wants to join us and do something different!

I wanted you to see the company that made them, because they are sponsoring the shirts as well, and Real Thread is ran by this guy named Dru, who is such a great guy. Dru thanks so much for believing in us. I can't wait to meet you face to face. Isn't it crazy how a project, can bring people together without even meeting.....think about that.  The other thing that sealed the deal for us to work with Real Thread is that the shirts are special Eco-material that is awesome for the environment.  My sister Heidi would be proud of me. Anyway, we will have a bunch of these, and if you like them, we will sell them on the Where You Are site.

To walk with us on the AIDS walk, contact Sara Shake (sara@exposedprandevents) our awesome Publicist. She will walk you through the process.

Now I'm listening to "All is Love" by Karen O the Kids ( i love this song)

I was thinking about all the things that we are doing. The AIDS walk, the Where You Are Project, The Revolt, and our entire company as a non-profit... Sometimes, I'm around people that travel the world, doing missionary work, or all kinds of probono type of work, and some people (sometimes not on purpose, and sometimes on purpose) love to make you feel like what they are doing is better than what you are doing.  Traveling to Africa and working in Uganda with children is much better and more admirable than working at UPS in America.  Sometimes, I'm around these people and they get so caught up in what THEY are doing, that they forget about what they are actually doing.  Believe it or not, some people love to travel around the world helping people just so they can tell people that they did it.   I usually end up in this debate:

I love missionaries, I think everyone is called to something special and unique.  However I see people leaving America traveling to other countries to help, and I think that is awesome!  I'm glad people are doing it.  However a huge part of C&I Studios vision is...America.  I believe that America is the country that needs the outreach the most.  A big problem I see with America is that we see what is right and wrong, and sometimes we still choose what is wrong.  Our midset, our selfishness, and how corrupt we are.... thats our mission field.  Here.  I know you guys don't know the story of Where You Are, but the film is about this American midset and how materialist and small minded we are.

And we aren't better than anyone because of this project.  Just because we are traveling to Swaziland doing this project that doesn't mean that we are better than the man that is working at UPS.  We are both doing what we are called to do.  Sure working at UPS might not be what he is called to do, but being a dedicated father, husband, and community leader might be.  And UPS just funds his dream of starting a community center, and gives him the time to be a real father and husband.   People automatically assume unless you are overseas what you are doing is pointless, and that isn't true.  Some people are called to be good fathers.  Some people are called to be Pastors in churches, or teachers in our schools.  And teaching a child to read on American soil or international soil is amazing.  Holding an orphan in Atlanta and telling her that you love her, is just as amazing as holding a child in Sudan. There is no scale.  Love knows no boundary, its doesn't grow based on your geographical location.  Love is Love.

And I know that there are countries and children that have needs that are greater than here, but don't let that dis-credit all that other people are doing here in America.  To all you good people, all you teachers, pastors, parents, foster parents, musicians...Keep doing what you are doing.  Never stop.  Do what you were meant to do, and let that love take you where ever it may take you.  This life isn't a love competition, it just life.

Thanks Freedom

I'm listening to: "The sound of the air coming out of the air thingy on the plane"

I'm listening to that, because Freedom broke my earphones.  She loves to try and eat them, and apparently Apple doesn't make them waterproof.  I would normally be zoned out listening to random music on my phone, but not tonight.  Everyone is quiet, listening to their music.  Everyone has iPhones around me, by the way.  They have made it so easy to just zone out.  You can instantly be disconnected from everyone and everything is you want to.  I feel so connected to everyone though, the plane, people. Then this guy next to me said "I'm sorry, I noticed that you didn't have your earphones in, and I was wondering if you wanted to talk?" I said "okay" (like how I say it) and we talked all the way to LA.

Ryan is cool, we talked out life, the war, bragged about our kids.  It was awesome.  He was/is in the military, I'm not sure which one, but he was cool.

I wonder how many connections and conversations i've missed out on because of this great technology, forever surrounding my life.  Funny, how people stand in line together, get on the plane sit next each other, and we don't even say "Hi" or introduce ourselves.  The waiter comes to our table in the restaurant, and we order, we don't say "Hello Sandy, how is your day going?" instead its "Yeah i'll have the chicken picatta, and can you substitute the baked potato for french fries".  Why talk to them?  It's their job right?  We are a fast train far from our rails.

Where You Are makes me hopefully that we all will be inspired to return to being real people, instead of us all trying to be these robots, who's programs and schedules are far more important than any real interaction. We are so worried about talking to people because we might "bother" them, or we don't want to be "bothered". Crazy. The first thing Ryan said to me was "I'm sorry" like talking to me was a crime.

Walk

I'm listening to: "Swallowed In The Sea" By: Coldplay

Hey guys, I know its been a while since I've typed on this page.  I'm a constant work in progress.  Hopefully by now you guys have seen the Where You Are site.  If not, please check it out. We will be updating it soon with two Where You Are shirts.  The first shirt is for an AIDS walk that we are doing in Fort Lauderdale.  It is a six mile walk where in Fort Lauderdale.  Thousands of people do this walk, its really cool.  So we are actually going to walk the walk.  We found out about this walk in a cool way. It was last year...March 15th. My wife decided that she really wanted to do this walk.  We all have a really big heart for children, all over the world (including America) and kids with AIDS just doesn't seem right to us.  So, she really wanted to do her part.  I did try to talk her out of it, because she was 9 months pregnant with Free-Free at the time.  But sometimes a woman's gotta do what a woman's gotta do. So, Amy and Tara did this 6 mile walk, and the then, the very next day, my Freedom was born.

March 16th

So, as we gear up for this next walk, I can't help but think about last year.  And now we will surrounded by our friends, walking with us, supporting this cause, supporting Where You Are.  For me, when people are standing next to me (literally, and figuratively) that goes so much deeper than any money that can be given.   We are excited about it, and we will post photos soon, I'm sure.

We are staying the course with Where You Are.  We are working pretty hard and we've got a few more things we need to do this month, to promote Where You Are.

Thanks for following us.  Never give up...Never Surrender!

FAWN

I'm listening to: "Kiss your Feet" by Delirious

Delirious is my favorite band of all time. I don't pick favorites either. Like I'll never have one favorite movie, but I do have an absolute favorite band, and an absolute favorite song.  I'll tell you why it's Delirious later.

On Friday we got the chance to meet with the CEO of FAWN (http://www.fightingaids.org/) about Where You Are, he is from Detroit Michigan, and just happened to be in Miami the day Zack emailed him about Where You Are. We are really excited about partnering with them. If all goes well, they well be bringing food, and healthy liquid nutrition goodies to the camp kids in Swaziland.

Thanks for meeting Frank!

C&I STUDIOS IS DEAD

I'm listening to: "You Will Pull Through" by Barcelona

Well the title is true....sort of  :)

I run C&I with my two brilliant business partners, Zachariah, and Sarah.  Smart, smart people.  During the summer of 2009, we really started thinking about what we want out of C&I Studios.  It really started with Where You Are, to be honest.  We were thinking about Where You are, and how we didn't just want to do this "one time" project.  Like, we don't want to go to Africa do this huge project, do the camp for the kids, the documentary, and the film, and then be done.  The kids go back to their normal lives, and all is forgotten. We want to continue the work in Swaziland.  But then it wasn't just Swaziland. Sarah has a huge heart for Africa in general. She spends quite of bit of time in Kenya, South Africa, etc. And we all have this passion for global change, and how America needs an upgrade so desperately. And we just began to talk about what we want.  One thing that kept coming up was, its not about money, its not about money, C&I Studios isn't about the money.  We want something more.  We want an understanding of life.  We want to shine light on stories that would otherwise be forgotten.  We want to bring awareness and change....We want to change media.  Everything that hollywood is about, we want to be about the opposite.  So, we thought and thought.  Man, there so many phone calls, Zach was still in DC during this time.  We just wanted to analyze and evaluate everything that we were doing.  We looked at our vision: Create Inspiring Art with Exceptional Quality to Reach Humanity 2.0

We hold everything up against that vision to stay on track with what we are suppose to do.  So we looked at our vision. We looked at the three organizations that we support financially every month Flutemaker Ministries, SwaziChild.com, and Camp Sonshine International.  We were finally able to see that we weren't acting like a for profit company...we were acting like a Non-Profit...

So in the summer of 2009, C&I Studios died, and C&I Studios Inc., a registered 501c3 Non Profit organization was born. 
 www.c-istudios.ORG

This has been the most exciting adventure for us.  There are many non profit companies out there, but there aren't any non profit Film Studios. So different, so difficult, but we are doing it.  We are shifting our focus.  Instead of just doing corporate work (commercials, videos, training videos), we are providing severely discounted film services for organizations and people who can't really afford the industry standard rates.  And any funds that we get from any corporate job goes to support the three organizations we sponsor, and our projects.

Our films lead the way, a different kind of story telling. We always want to make sure we are being inspiring, sparking change...thinking differently.

We then started a show called Reach: The Revolt (currently in production).  The Revolt is a show where C&I Studios travels around the globe to find people who are doing amazing things. We are so excited about this. There are so many people doing great stuff, but no one knows about it, until now.  So we are so pumped on traveling worldwide (America included, there are good people America).

So, it all changed.  Including our website. Check out: www.c-istudios.org We have a global view now and we think that is vital to always keep our minds thinking bigger than ourselves. We have special hidden links in RED, showing special work.

Speaking of special work. THE WHERE YOU ARE WEBSITE IS ONLINE....YAY!!!!!!!!
www.whereyouareproject.com You can also go to www.c-istudios.org and click on the country Swaziland, or the feature films link.

So, there it is, I just vomited on you, verbally.  Our hearts are on paper now, well...internet paper.  But you get what I'm saying. BUT, I do need to say this as well.  We need your financial help.  All the things that we want to do, aren't free.  The stories we want to tell through the Revolt, Where You Are, and sponsoring organizations sadly, aren't free to us. We need all the help we can get. So please, if you feel like supporting us (tax deductible of course), there is cool little link on the top right side of the blog where you can give online.  And ANY amount seriously is a big deal to do us. $1, $5 seriously anything helps. $1 goes and incredible long way in Africa.  If you would like give more than those selected amounts please click here to enter your own custom amount.  This is a link to our PayPal donation page, and you don't have to have a PayPal account to send us anything. If you know of anyone who might be interested in what we are doing, or supporting us, please send them the link to this blog.  So, Why give to us?

Check out these pages about us, and our projects:
www.c-istudios.com/about
www.c-istudios.com/support

Or check out this cool video that Zack shot, explaining it in super cool black & white.  Black & White rules!!

However, we don't just want financial support. We really need so much encouragement.  It's so difficult to take on this task, but we don't feel like we decided to do this, it was just meant to be.  So, we are just being willing and obedient to what we know we are suppose to do with the rest of our lives.

Thanks you so much. We love you guys.

P.S. Oh, we are trying really hard to go to Africa in April to scout for Where You Are, and just travel and film stories for the Revolt. Wicked excited about everything that is happening. 2010 is going to be a great year.

:)

Happy Birthday

I'm listening to: the sound of an air conditioner.

While Zoe and I were at lunch yesterday,it was someone's birthday in the restaurant. The whole place started singing...NYC. This world seems so stinkin cold all the time, but it's so cool that people will stop their meal, their conversations and sing (whether they can or not) all for someone they don't even know. Gives me hope.

America..

We haven't lost it yet.....

5am NYC

I'm listening to: "a conversation in my head I just had"

Today I woke up at 5am, it hurt. But I'm glad I did.

For those of you who don't know I travel a lot to DC for C&I corporate work and film work.  On Sunday night we had a client meeting, and then on monday night we shot a film called (he is my brother) very exciting, and then Today (tuesday) I didn't have any plans….so I went to New York City, my favorite town in the whole world. It is so cold here, but so awesome. I don't know many other cities that when you come up from the tunnel you are just excited, hopefully. Its pretty intense. I love it.

Then I thought since i'm here, why not link up with Zoe (one of our leads in Where You Are). Man it was awesome!. We met up at Balthazar in Soho, and we talked laughed, shared together for 3 hours. It was awesome. Very rare do I have a good chance to really just talk to someone for that long and have it just continue to be so interesting and awesome. I was amazed.And we didn't just like "talk" we really tallied in depth, bonded, and grew together.  Zoe is so passionate about what we are doing. Here is a quote from her, verbatim:

Zoe: "I'm so excited about the camp, that is my favorite part of the whole project"

That pretty intense for an actress to say. Don't get me wrong she loves the film, but to know that she is just as passionate about the camp, and the kids, really makes me feel good about what we are doing. Its been so hard trying to find the right kind of people for this project, but its good that i'm continuing to learn that the people we already have, really have a heart for others. Everyone single person involved with this project so far, (and there are many) all have that same heartbeat, they all care, they have all said to me at some point "this project is bigger than all of us"

So as I ride back to DC…I'm just so reflective and happy that I went with my gut. I think sometimes, we get to caught up with our grown up lives, that we forget what its like to drop everything and be random, spontaneous. Maybe its not the best way to live, but everyone once an a while you gotta break the routine and live.

I should have taken a photo, of me an Zoe, but it was too cold outset, and…whatever sorry. But Since I've been shooting everyday, there will be a film of my trip. You'll see it on our Vimeo account

I'm grateful. Super awesome christmas gift.

Zoe you rock pretty hard!

Africa

I'm listening to: "All I Need" by Radiohead

This Christmas is different....

Anyway.  I'm at the point in the project where I just need to go to Africa.  I'm tired.  I need to see it.  As a producer/director I want to go to scout, look, explore, but for Joshua....I just need to go see. I'm hoping that i'll get to do that in the next few months. Thank you for supporting this project.

Faces to the Names

I'm listening to: "Love Minus Zero/No Limit" by Bob Dylan

Well friends, I've been wanting to post this one for a long time.  While I'm silent from writing this blog, I'm working on Where You Are.  We have been working on casting for such a long time and we are finally at a place where we have locked in some amazing actors/actresses to play these special characters.

One thing that I love most about film, is...Well let me tell a little story.

I love the film "Blood Diamond" when I was done watching that film, I felt like changing the world, like saving all the children from Africa.  I thought about how Leo's character was struggling to do the right thing, like I feel sometimes.  When I was done watching it, I remember checking into my wife's wedding ring, to really see where it had come from.  I remember talking with Sarah, and Zach about it, and then, random people that I saw in the elevator.  People have used clips from that film in speeches that I've seen, and presentations. People were changed.  These characters who do not exist changed real peoples lives...I think that is so interesting. And its all because of how talented these actors live out the story on film. They can bring to life a person who only lives on paper, create them, and play them so well that in return it can inspire us "real people" to change...or act...to dance.

That is why I love film...cause when you are done watching them there is so much more to say, to question, to discuss, unlike Transformers, as when you are done with that Movie (yes movie) all you can say is "yeah it was cool"..."yea..the special effects were awesome"...thats it. I love film. .

And I love talented actors/actresses that create these films and we are so honored to have these people star in "Where You Are".

First. Zoe Mclellan.
Playing the lead role of Jessica Reynolds.
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0572721/

You'll recognize Zoe from projects like "Dirty Sexy Money", "Jag", "Star Trek","Mr. Holland's Opus".
Zoe is an amazing actress, and extremely passionate about this project. We are so honored to have her on board. You should also know that she makes me laugh, pretty often. :)

Second. Andrew Roth.

Playing the lead role of Tom Dalton.

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1408714/

You'll recognize Andrew from projects like, "Transcendence", The Rise and Fall of Their American Dream", and "Elysium". Andrew is very talented and we are very excited to get him in front of the camera.

Third. Windy Marshall.
Playing the  role of Laura Hunter.

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm2688758/

You'll recognize Windy from projects like, "Harts Ridge", "Eat, Sleep, Repeat", and "Incubator"

We had the pleasure of working with Windy on a previous film and I can't wait to film with her again.

Forth. Julia Broder.

Playing the  role of Sheryl Hunter.

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm2204590/

You'll recognize Julia from projects like, "Remedial Attraction", "Bible Battles", and "Roller Place"

Julia is really special and talented.  She is a great additional to the cast.

Well that is all for now. We will have some more cast announcements in the next few week's, but we wanted to share that with you guys now.  We appreciate all the encouragement and support. This has been so hard, and the emails, the encouragement, fuels us to keep going no matter how much my flesh tells me to give up. We hold on, we press in, and move forward...together.

Turkey Day

I'm listening to: the chatter in the car. I haven't listened to music in a while.

It's really foggy in North Carolina as we leave for the airport. For the past three years my family has flown on holidays...like today. I wonder if the fog will make it hard for the pilots to see. I wonder if our own arrogance, pride, and materialistic attitude will make it hard for us to see.

Eat up Americans.









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Julia Julia

I'm listening to: Dora the Explorer in the background

Had a great convo with Julia Broder today at 10:00am. You will soon find out who she is.  We have a lot of Where You Are meetings lined up in the future. Take it easy...i'm trying to post more, can you tell?

The Site

I'n listening to: the sound of a cars engine

I found out something about myself...

I suck at building websites. I've tried to work on the Where You Are site myself so we could save some cash, but I have -12 talents in the web area. Sooo...if somebody knows a great web designer...please send them my way. Late!

E: contact@c-istudios.com


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It's inside of me

I'm listening to: the wind passing by me.

I got to hang out with my dad today, so cool. My parents never stop parenting, and I think that's awesome. This blew me away though. My dad is a pretty distinguished guy, doctor, 2 PHD's blah blah...we were driving to Loews when he pulled over randomly on the side of the road. I looked around to see what was happening. He saw these men who were pushing their car up a hill. He stopped and said "let's go help them".

Now I see where I get it from. It's been inside me all along.





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Wait for Isaac, don't Ishmael

I'm listening to: "Sing it Out" by Switchfoot

I'm a plane in this sunset with no where to land. That's kinda how I feel right now. Inside of me...inside of C&I Studios is a dream of peace.  Usually I think of situations that are worse than my own, which usually keeps me pretty thankful.  I think about kids...africa...south america....america...kids that literally live in the dumps.  Then I look at people are closer to me.  Friends, who I know by name that also are dealing with their own struggles in America.  It just kinda makes me realize that we all need help. Everyone....everyone has something that they are struggling with.  When was the last time we picked up the telephone, not the text machine, or the macbook pro, of an email, but straight up called someone specifically to say "hi" and see how things are going....I'm sure we all have people who we know need support though a situation... And I guess its silly of me, but I dream of day when we all can support each other, grow together...cry together.  People always ask me what I would do with a million dollars...I usually think, I would do something to get even more money, to help even more people need.  But its just money.  Really deep down, we have hurts that money can't heal.  The kind of pain that can only be healed with real love...not the fake kind.

I guess that makes me feel like...there is sooo much to be done.  But I don't know how to dream small, and yes, I get so overwhelmed with not only my "problems" but those around me....and all I can really do, is take this camera, and these words and create something that will spark something inside of someone to become better.  That is my whole goal with Where You Are, that people would see this film, watch it, and leave, asking questions, leave feeling uneasy, and eventually asking themselves really tough questions which would inspire change. Thats all I know I can do.  This project is just so hard. Its like the work increases everyday, so it always feels so hard to reach this goal, to actively try and change this world.  So as I fill out papers, prepare this shot list, research all these legalities of what we are doing...its feels like i'm doing nothing...like i'm just behind a desk... While people are just dying...emotionally...physically.  I usually feel such a need to want to rush this project, get it off the ground, let it be the change...NOW...but...this project has a perfect timing to it...I'm a firm believer in things happening for a reason.  And I know that this will happen in perfect time, just like everything else has, and wait for what I know is ahead, instead of rushing and try to force it all to happen with my timing. The beauty of trust is that we cannot see what is ahead...and though it does get difficult daily....

I will wait for you...

I'm Peter Pan

I'm listening to: "Horizons" by: New City Lions

This song has been in my head for a while now. And this one line has been griping me.

"peter pan...put your sword away....its time to be a man...turn and face the day"

I think that sometimes we get caught up in neverland, and as fun, and fantastic it might seem...there is so much more. There is purpose. I believe there is a very specific purpose that we were all placed on this earth. And you know it too, you can feel it in your heart.  And when we all get serious....when look in the mirror, only at our eyes, we can be honest...raw... and ask...is this it....are we living it now?  I know there are times when I just wanna sit on the beach, laugh and talk with friends, and just hang out for days...days...but for me...right now... its time for me be a man, and face my responsibility...do what I'm here to do. Cause I might not be here tomorrow...this word right here, could be my last.......

...

...

it wasn't...good...I still have quite a lot to do. Don't forget why you are here. Time to be a man, pick up that guitar, that pen, that brush, that nikon camera, that microphone..and sing until your lungs hurt.  Do what you are here to do.  So that is where I am, my season...  I want to spend time with those that are close to me, all the time, but I know in my core, that I have a larger purpose.  So for right now, I need to work. action...  and when I feel like stopping, whenever feel defeated.....

run anyway.

It's so easy to forget to live. A friend of mine, Brooke Brown, wrote me an email the other day...just an email, and she was just so stinking encouraging...a lot of people have just been telling me to keep going...and I can't even tell you how much fuel that gave me.  funny, usually when people do something that really means a lot to us, we just smile, and usually think to ourselves, "wow that meant a lot" we might tell them thank you, or plan on telling them.  But we hardly ever really let them know how much it means...what places they touched in our withered hearts.  Sadly we have corrupted our own words..."thank you" hardly means thank you any more, because we have abused it, and forced ourselves to say it whenever.  So i'm learning to really be thoughtful with the people have that have really helped me.  And in my quest of living life, emails like these, simple emails that say "Josh, keep going...never give up" just re-light the fire in me, paste me back together when i'm so broken.  There aren't words I can say that would express how reading them makes me feel. This whole experience of where you are has just challenged me in so many ways.  its so long...man its so long, but I adore what I'm learning every new day.  Life is a countdown, and these days full of grace are the greatest things that could ever be given.