Julia Julia

I'm listening to: Dora the Explorer in the background

Had a great convo with Julia Broder today at 10:00am. You will soon find out who she is.  We have a lot of Where You Are meetings lined up in the future. Take it easy...i'm trying to post more, can you tell?

The Site

I'n listening to: the sound of a cars engine

I found out something about myself...

I suck at building websites. I've tried to work on the Where You Are site myself so we could save some cash, but I have -12 talents in the web area. Sooo...if somebody knows a great web designer...please send them my way. Late!

E: contact@c-istudios.com


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It's inside of me

I'm listening to: the wind passing by me.

I got to hang out with my dad today, so cool. My parents never stop parenting, and I think that's awesome. This blew me away though. My dad is a pretty distinguished guy, doctor, 2 PHD's blah blah...we were driving to Loews when he pulled over randomly on the side of the road. I looked around to see what was happening. He saw these men who were pushing their car up a hill. He stopped and said "let's go help them".

Now I see where I get it from. It's been inside me all along.





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Wait for Isaac, don't Ishmael

I'm listening to: "Sing it Out" by Switchfoot

I'm a plane in this sunset with no where to land. That's kinda how I feel right now. Inside of me...inside of C&I Studios is a dream of peace.  Usually I think of situations that are worse than my own, which usually keeps me pretty thankful.  I think about kids...africa...south america....america...kids that literally live in the dumps.  Then I look at people are closer to me.  Friends, who I know by name that also are dealing with their own struggles in America.  It just kinda makes me realize that we all need help. Everyone....everyone has something that they are struggling with.  When was the last time we picked up the telephone, not the text machine, or the macbook pro, of an email, but straight up called someone specifically to say "hi" and see how things are going....I'm sure we all have people who we know need support though a situation... And I guess its silly of me, but I dream of day when we all can support each other, grow together...cry together.  People always ask me what I would do with a million dollars...I usually think, I would do something to get even more money, to help even more people need.  But its just money.  Really deep down, we have hurts that money can't heal.  The kind of pain that can only be healed with real love...not the fake kind.

I guess that makes me feel like...there is sooo much to be done.  But I don't know how to dream small, and yes, I get so overwhelmed with not only my "problems" but those around me....and all I can really do, is take this camera, and these words and create something that will spark something inside of someone to become better.  That is my whole goal with Where You Are, that people would see this film, watch it, and leave, asking questions, leave feeling uneasy, and eventually asking themselves really tough questions which would inspire change. Thats all I know I can do.  This project is just so hard. Its like the work increases everyday, so it always feels so hard to reach this goal, to actively try and change this world.  So as I fill out papers, prepare this shot list, research all these legalities of what we are doing...its feels like i'm doing nothing...like i'm just behind a desk... While people are just dying...emotionally...physically.  I usually feel such a need to want to rush this project, get it off the ground, let it be the change...NOW...but...this project has a perfect timing to it...I'm a firm believer in things happening for a reason.  And I know that this will happen in perfect time, just like everything else has, and wait for what I know is ahead, instead of rushing and try to force it all to happen with my timing. The beauty of trust is that we cannot see what is ahead...and though it does get difficult daily....

I will wait for you...

I'm Peter Pan

I'm listening to: "Horizons" by: New City Lions

This song has been in my head for a while now. And this one line has been griping me.

"peter pan...put your sword away....its time to be a man...turn and face the day"

I think that sometimes we get caught up in neverland, and as fun, and fantastic it might seem...there is so much more. There is purpose. I believe there is a very specific purpose that we were all placed on this earth. And you know it too, you can feel it in your heart.  And when we all get serious....when look in the mirror, only at our eyes, we can be honest...raw... and ask...is this it....are we living it now?  I know there are times when I just wanna sit on the beach, laugh and talk with friends, and just hang out for days...days...but for me...right now... its time for me be a man, and face my responsibility...do what I'm here to do. Cause I might not be here tomorrow...this word right here, could be my last.......

...

...

it wasn't...good...I still have quite a lot to do. Don't forget why you are here. Time to be a man, pick up that guitar, that pen, that brush, that nikon camera, that microphone..and sing until your lungs hurt.  Do what you are here to do.  So that is where I am, my season...  I want to spend time with those that are close to me, all the time, but I know in my core, that I have a larger purpose.  So for right now, I need to work. action...  and when I feel like stopping, whenever feel defeated.....

run anyway.

It's so easy to forget to live. A friend of mine, Brooke Brown, wrote me an email the other day...just an email, and she was just so stinking encouraging...a lot of people have just been telling me to keep going...and I can't even tell you how much fuel that gave me.  funny, usually when people do something that really means a lot to us, we just smile, and usually think to ourselves, "wow that meant a lot" we might tell them thank you, or plan on telling them.  But we hardly ever really let them know how much it means...what places they touched in our withered hearts.  Sadly we have corrupted our own words..."thank you" hardly means thank you any more, because we have abused it, and forced ourselves to say it whenever.  So i'm learning to really be thoughtful with the people have that have really helped me.  And in my quest of living life, emails like these, simple emails that say "Josh, keep going...never give up" just re-light the fire in me, paste me back together when i'm so broken.  There aren't words I can say that would express how reading them makes me feel. This whole experience of where you are has just challenged me in so many ways.  its so long...man its so long, but I adore what I'm learning every new day.  Life is a countdown, and these days full of grace are the greatest things that could ever be given.

Dig Me Out

I'm listening to: "Always" by Switchfoot

Sorry, I haven't written in a while.  I still don't quite feel like I'm home yet.  We have been traveling a lot doing corporate work.  I wanted to talk about that for a second. If we ever mention what we are doing on Facebook, or on this blog, its only because we want you guys to know what we are up to.

During the time in my life when I was working at Camp Sonshine, I guess you could say I was the "popular guy".  I didn't really choose that, it just sorta worked out that way.  Soooo many "friends".  Everyone wanted to know what I was doing...it was weird, and very cool for a teenager.  Years went on like that. Then, I was dating a girl, that all my friends got to know and loved.  Three years later, we had the worst break up of all time I'm sure (doesn't everyone have a break up like that...the worst).  Many things were said, and almost instantly......all those friends were gone....  That popular guy learned how to put armor on, learned to protect himself.  He decided to keep to himself and really figure out who he was.  My years of 22-24 I learned a lot about myself.  So many scars on my heart.  I got to a place where I didn't tell anyone what I was doing.  I always wanted to keep my lips ever so tight.  So, its still tough to talk about what C&I Studios is doing, because I don't want it to ever come across like "hey look at us, we are so busy and so awesome".  We aren't like that, seriously.  It's really just so you know what goes on.  And it is that corporate work, those events/commercials/promos vids that we do and so on, that funds our films, it also funds monthly kids in Nicuragua, Swaziland, Kenya, South Africa, and the Phillipines... In our hearts we just desire peace and love. I'm such a hippie. (that is what our entire family was for Halloween by the way..Hippie's)

Some people know this but I've known Amy for about 9 years.  She came up to Camp Sonshine every year, and she was one of those friends, who stood by me, no matter what happened to me.  And guys aren't that smart...she eventually moved up to Maryland where the camp was, and it was during that time, that we got closer than ever, and it was through her, that she not only began to help heal me, but give me a new strength, and....she would lift me up so high (one tear down my face)  and she taught me how to laugh again. Love

Painful memories in the past are difficult, but the solution isn't putting on armor, being protected... its being free, vulnerable.  Its about having those tough conversations, when you don't want to....Its about learning to wear your scars like medals, like, "look what I have been through, and i'm still breathing".  And man its only though many many many terrible situations, that eventually lead me to crying on the balcony of this house, writing this film we call "Where You Are".

wow this was not the blog I was gonna write...weird...I was gonna write about my friend Brooke Brown...but that is the way it is...i never edit these things...no armor...thanks for being our friends.

I-95 Southbound

I'm listening to: "Reverly" by Kings of Leon

Auditions are over. Thank God. Things have been pretty busy. I'll post again about the auditions, but they were very successful and we are very happy with how things turned out.

But I wanted to talk a bit about a new transition that we are going through. C&I has a lot of new things that we will be rolling out soon. For right now though, its just a lot of paper work and nothing really "cool sounding" but we are definitely working pretty hard.

I've been working full-time with C&I Studios, and I have been burning the candle on both ends, as they say... We really believe that we are onto a new kind of media experience, and we want to keep our energy and motivation strong ...but it has been rough on me. So, to my aid, comes one of my DC partners Zachariah Lewis. He is moving his family (Jessie & Charlotte to Fort Lauderdale, to join me in running C&I, full-time. This will help with all C&I projects, but especially Where You Are.

I just wanted to give you guys an a update, so you know where we are. Thanks to everyone who reads the blog and sends us encouraging notes/emails, we really need it. It's extremely hard to make films that have meaning, when a lot of people just want to see "big things blow up" on screen. So thank you for being our friends. This next season of C&I will be very amazing.