I Feel Invisible

I'm listening to: "first breath after coma" by explosions in the sky
(This is Sarah. Just so you know.)
I'm in camp mode right now. Which means working 14 hours a day on a good day, doing all sorts of random manual labor, pretty much having no friends except my car as we go to and from work each day, and talking to kids.

Talking to kids. Without a doubt, my favorite part of the job. Depending on how old they are, the experience is so completely different.

The little ones are so honest, so free to say what they think, no matter how it sounds. If one bothers another, they hit each other. Done.

The older ones, though... The older ones.

Today I spent a half hour with a group of 11-year-old girls. Girls who hurt each other everyday. By not including everyone, by talking behind each other's backs... it's a rough world out there. While I was with them, I had them write down how they had felt, if any of them had been bullied in the past week. And here's what I got:
I felt like I didn't exist.
I felt terrible.
I felt like I had a disease and like no one wanted to be my friend.
I felt invisible.

It didn't take too long for my mind to wander to Siteki.

Taking time to sit with these girls and talk to them gave them a voice. They were free, so able to talk about how they'd failed and how they'd felt. They had an adult who made them feel safe, who listened to them.

One thing that is lacking in this world is people taking time to listen to kids. In some cases, like in Siteki, I'd guess, there isn't really time for that. The adults that are with the children there are trying to make ends meet, trying to take care of the basic needs--food, shelter, clothing. That makes sense to me.

But all of us yearn to be heard, to be understood, to be free. Some of us are blessed to be placed in environments growing up where we have those needs met. So many are not. So, yes, I'm excited to go to Swaziland, to make this film, to run the camp, to inspire action...

But more than any of that, I just want to listen. To prevent one more child in the world from feeling invisible.

Then We Succeed

I'm listening to: "Please Don't Go" by Barcelona

hey all,

first a little news. sarah is at camp now.......a part of me feels like I'm at camp now too. It's crazy to think that we will be running that in Swaziland. Anyway news.....uhhh nothing huge at the moment. We are planning to hold the 1st Where You Are audition in Washington D.C. in late August/early September. Once we cast this will allow us to do some much necessary test shoots, before we film the film. More details about the auditions will come very soon. We will run a few probably in some different cities, but we are excited to get this going.

Movies...... I love watching movies... you might think that is typical, but I like watching all types of film...all types, EXCEPT horror........uhhh..........uhh...okay i'm gonna get up on soap box about horror movies.....they make me sick. And its not because of the blood or gore that is in them, but its bigger, I can't get lost in a horror movie (and I do say movie, not film). Usually when I've watched them in the past, I can see myself watching one, and that is what makes me sick...what is so terrible about them, is that people pay for them, and pay to watch them, for entertainment. People pay to see people be viscously killed and "its cool". To me its no different than putting on come clothes, going to the Colosseum to see some people get killed by lions...that was there entertainment back them, gather around put some people in there and watch them be killed. Now one would argue that the horror movie isn't real, no one is really dying.....but the feeling you feel is real....probably the same way someone would feel watching in a Colosseum... its just strange... it represents the dark dark side of humans... the fact that we want to see that kind of thing, scares the hell out of me. okay, sorry I wasn't planning that...and of course I'm thinking about deleting it, but....I'm not.

I love film because to me its an education, I love to study. So i'll watch them all, action, chik flicks, and all that, cause I love to study, see what the director did. But the entertainment has been lost, I haven't found myself lost in a moving story in so long. Seems like now everyone wants computers to make their films, put 2 actors in a green warehouse and make Transformers. (Which I'm sure will make millions and millions and millions of dollars, the first one made over 150 million, and the second has already made 200 million in one weekend...but its a pointless movies, about robots, which is cool, but doesn't inspire or move anyone to change anything about themselves. and on the side you have "Into the Wild" which got no attention, at all, but had one of the strongest messages I've seen in a long time).......and what will they do with the 300+ MILLION dollars that they have now.........uhhh make Transformers 3 of course....uggg...Movies... They can be so powerful. Its a lot of power to take millions of dollars and create something. I'm excited that C&I will always use that power for good. We will always use that power to create something that inspires people, that tries to open up all of our eyes, instead of making something with a bad story line, bad acting, but has "super cool CGI".

I was watching this interview thing I watch, a group of guys sitting around a table, drinking wine, basically discouraging every film maker in the world about how hard it is to make a film and how people should just be using youtube and stuff, to showcase work and that "you are better off winning the lottery than making a successful movie". Its funny, cause they consider themselves to be so knowledgeable about the film industry, but man, they lack hope...they lack something bigger, they are just marching in line with the other ants....without hope for anything else, and sadly they are broadcasting this show erasing hope from other dreamers...so sad. When people have dreams why are there always people who wanna crush it? So, I began to think, what if Where You Are doesn't make it, what if the film gets no attention, what if only three people watch it, it "fails" in the eyes of hollywood, and we lose money, and we are stuck with a mountain of unsell-able dvd's.......well if that happens...

Then we succeed...

why..because I'm just so hopefully that if even three people watch it then its good? no. but if three people watch it and are inspired to create something, do something, if three people watch it and they affect the other people that they interact with, if they then challenge people, and they themselves create something new.....we succeed. If no one watches it, we succeed...why, cause there are a group of kids in Swaziland that we just loved on during camp.......

and everyone of those hugs is worth more than any film.

here is pic of Swaziland. These are the exact kids and the exact location of where we are going...thanks for being our friends.

One Dies...Another Gets Even Stronger

I'm listening to: "Divine Romance" by Phil Wickhman

Hey...

We decided to get rid of our other blog, you may not have ever heard of it. It was C&I Studios News. It was just too hard to keep both of these up and running, and now with this facebook thing, a lot of our news goes there. But in an effort to keep the news running, i'll be updating this blog with some general C&I Studios News, which will also translate into Where You Are updates as well. I hope you don't mind. So one blog died tonight......

moment of silent for the zeros and ones....

over it....

Tonight I wanna talk about community. Community and filmmaking...they go hand in hand for me. Let me explain why. I'm so isolated being in Florida, my business partners and close friends are in D.C. and I'm down here, so far away. Some nights...like tonight its easy to feel so alone. And why would I think that. I have a a beautiful wife, and a beautiful daughter, so why would I feel so....how I feel now... I've been thinking about community recently. And how I love community, the feeling of a group a people doing something together, struggling together. I would always tell Amy, I wish I would pick some of my friends and just move to an island together. Its community that I crave so much. To have people who understand you, on the same wavelength, non-judgmental...that you can fall back on. I don't know maybe that doesn't exist anywhere, but its a dream of mine, and the reason I like film so much, is because it takes a community to make one. Good filmmaking is not a one man band. And I'm enjoying being a part of the Where You Are community. The heart beat of C&I is people coming together, working together, to create something beautiful. And I believe that we will all learn something about ourselves, and each other.

Live Together, Die Alone.

We are so excited to you join us. Each of you will bring something so new, and unique to the project. That is going to be really special, and this blog will continue to document this adventure. I sometimes imagine what it will be like to blog in Africa, I can't wait. (well i can wait a little, we have a lot to do) Its funny too, our studios has such an international heart beat, but really Sarah is our only international traveler so far. I went to the DR with my wife a couple years back, but that really doesn't count as "being out of the country. Does it?" So, really i'll get to have the experience of Where You Are (just so you know in the studio we abbreviate our film titles so when we talk about Where You Are, we always say WYA) and the experience of true international travel. I'm excited about life, even if I'm down in Florida away from so many. I'm sure that being isolated and down here has been the best thing for the project, and allowed me to focus and reflect. And honestly, WYA would have never if we didn't move to Florida, but that story is for another blog.

I'm going to do my best to update this blog more, on a regular basis, but I also don't want to over burden you either. So sit back, relax and enjoy this journey with us.

I read something somewhere that if you want more people to read your blog you should have pictures.......i don't have any...

Everything else was just a prequel...

I'm listening to: "Intimate Stranger" by Delirious

hey there... hope you all have been doing well. C&I Studios has been going through a lot of changes in the past few weeks, which has been really really great. We are excited to continue to move this ship forward. What's really interesting about Where You Are, is that its caused us to question a lot of things about the studio. And if you ask me we have completely changed our studio because of this project. It's been an awesome journey so far. And to me, its the journey that matters.

A lot of people can't wait until they "arrive", win the oscar, or land that "big part", but I think its the journey matters more than where you will end up. I look at the things that i've learned along the way and its been refreshing. This project has changed me, and the people that we have met as well has been so meaningful. To me the road to Where You Are is just as important as Where You Are. And sure there have been down times, and discouragement, but that mostly comes from ourselves I think.

Its funny how we can be our own worst enemy. I remember my college days; I would sleeping in the bed and my alarm would go off at 6:30am. (what an insane time to wake up, who has anything to do then), but the alarm would ring, and I would silence it. Then I would always do something so stupid... My body try to convince my mind that I didn't have to go to class, and that missing one class wouldn't be so bad, or that, "you know the professor is just going to talk about the same thing again", "you can get the notes from someone". ha. man I missed so many classes, and had to repeat a bunch along the way in order to graduate. We can be our own worst enemy. We, us, ourselves can convince ourselves to stop....give up. Why? I don't know, maybe its our fear of failure, or we are so overwhelmed with everything else that is going on, we can't even see how our small tiny little hearts can change anything in this love lost world.

So learning how to go against the grain, to do what seems impossible, to fail, and continue to fail and then....continue...these lessons have been so valuable to me. And I know Where You Are will be better because of it, but also me as a person, I want to continue to go through these new trials... the road that we are on now, is the one that matters most.

Holding my daughter in my hands, looking into my wife's loving eyes, and this project in my heart, I feel like my life is just starting. Everything before this was just a prequel... I feel like everything before was just setting me up for these new moments. Before, a long time ago, I worked at a summer day camp for nine years called Camp Sonshine from the ages of 13-22. There I learned a lot about love, how to show it, not preach it. That is where I found a love of acting, and drama, and then later there, a love of video, film, story-telling. It was there that I knew I love kids, and how they continue to steal a large portion of my heart. Kids are innocent....they are honest. They will tell you what they think, their laughs are genuine, always... and I miss hearing that more than anything. It was at camp where I struggled to figure out who I was and what I wanted out of life. It was at camp where I failed....a lot, so many times letting my attitude and ego get in the way of the bigger picture. It was camp where I learned to pick myself up from failures and continue to press on, and be different.

Wow.... .... wow..

Well, the reason I wow, is because this project is all about kids, love, and a struggle within all of us. A big part of the project is a day camp that we are running in Swaziland for the kids, mostly with HIV, to show them real love and give them hope and purpose. I'm honored that it will be Camp Sonshine that joins with us now, to run the camp, and be featured in the documentary and the film. Wow. Sarah and I got to meet with David Black, the founder of Camp Sonshine about a week ago in Maryland, and it was amazing to sit and talk with him and be excited together...again. David, is such an amazing person! And though sometimes I've heard the same things repeated from him over the years, its those words now that give me more strength to continue on....

"have a vision so big, that without God intervening...it will fail..."

so we press on, thanks for believing in us.

p.s. by the way I get up at 6:30am now everyday for Freedom....ironic, huh...but this time I LOVE IT.