Happy Birthday

I'm listening to: the sound of an air conditioner.

While Zoe and I were at lunch yesterday,it was someone's birthday in the restaurant. The whole place started singing...NYC. This world seems so stinkin cold all the time, but it's so cool that people will stop their meal, their conversations and sing (whether they can or not) all for someone they don't even know. Gives me hope.

America..

We haven't lost it yet.....

5am NYC

I'm listening to: "a conversation in my head I just had"

Today I woke up at 5am, it hurt. But I'm glad I did.

For those of you who don't know I travel a lot to DC for C&I corporate work and film work.  On Sunday night we had a client meeting, and then on monday night we shot a film called (he is my brother) very exciting, and then Today (tuesday) I didn't have any plans….so I went to New York City, my favorite town in the whole world. It is so cold here, but so awesome. I don't know many other cities that when you come up from the tunnel you are just excited, hopefully. Its pretty intense. I love it.

Then I thought since i'm here, why not link up with Zoe (one of our leads in Where You Are). Man it was awesome!. We met up at Balthazar in Soho, and we talked laughed, shared together for 3 hours. It was awesome. Very rare do I have a good chance to really just talk to someone for that long and have it just continue to be so interesting and awesome. I was amazed.And we didn't just like "talk" we really tallied in depth, bonded, and grew together.  Zoe is so passionate about what we are doing. Here is a quote from her, verbatim:

Zoe: "I'm so excited about the camp, that is my favorite part of the whole project"

That pretty intense for an actress to say. Don't get me wrong she loves the film, but to know that she is just as passionate about the camp, and the kids, really makes me feel good about what we are doing. Its been so hard trying to find the right kind of people for this project, but its good that i'm continuing to learn that the people we already have, really have a heart for others. Everyone single person involved with this project so far, (and there are many) all have that same heartbeat, they all care, they have all said to me at some point "this project is bigger than all of us"

So as I ride back to DC…I'm just so reflective and happy that I went with my gut. I think sometimes, we get to caught up with our grown up lives, that we forget what its like to drop everything and be random, spontaneous. Maybe its not the best way to live, but everyone once an a while you gotta break the routine and live.

I should have taken a photo, of me an Zoe, but it was too cold outset, and…whatever sorry. But Since I've been shooting everyday, there will be a film of my trip. You'll see it on our Vimeo account

I'm grateful. Super awesome christmas gift.

Zoe you rock pretty hard!

Africa

I'm listening to: "All I Need" by Radiohead

This Christmas is different....

Anyway.  I'm at the point in the project where I just need to go to Africa.  I'm tired.  I need to see it.  As a producer/director I want to go to scout, look, explore, but for Joshua....I just need to go see. I'm hoping that i'll get to do that in the next few months. Thank you for supporting this project.

Faces to the Names

I'm listening to: "Love Minus Zero/No Limit" by Bob Dylan

Well friends, I've been wanting to post this one for a long time.  While I'm silent from writing this blog, I'm working on Where You Are.  We have been working on casting for such a long time and we are finally at a place where we have locked in some amazing actors/actresses to play these special characters.

One thing that I love most about film, is...Well let me tell a little story.

I love the film "Blood Diamond" when I was done watching that film, I felt like changing the world, like saving all the children from Africa.  I thought about how Leo's character was struggling to do the right thing, like I feel sometimes.  When I was done watching it, I remember checking into my wife's wedding ring, to really see where it had come from.  I remember talking with Sarah, and Zach about it, and then, random people that I saw in the elevator.  People have used clips from that film in speeches that I've seen, and presentations. People were changed.  These characters who do not exist changed real peoples lives...I think that is so interesting. And its all because of how talented these actors live out the story on film. They can bring to life a person who only lives on paper, create them, and play them so well that in return it can inspire us "real people" to change...or act...to dance.

That is why I love film...cause when you are done watching them there is so much more to say, to question, to discuss, unlike Transformers, as when you are done with that Movie (yes movie) all you can say is "yeah it was cool"..."yea..the special effects were awesome"...thats it. I love film. .

And I love talented actors/actresses that create these films and we are so honored to have these people star in "Where You Are".

First. Zoe Mclellan.
Playing the lead role of Jessica Reynolds.
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0572721/

You'll recognize Zoe from projects like "Dirty Sexy Money", "Jag", "Star Trek","Mr. Holland's Opus".
Zoe is an amazing actress, and extremely passionate about this project. We are so honored to have her on board. You should also know that she makes me laugh, pretty often. :)

Second. Andrew Roth.

Playing the lead role of Tom Dalton.

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1408714/

You'll recognize Andrew from projects like, "Transcendence", The Rise and Fall of Their American Dream", and "Elysium". Andrew is very talented and we are very excited to get him in front of the camera.

Third. Windy Marshall.
Playing the  role of Laura Hunter.

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm2688758/

You'll recognize Windy from projects like, "Harts Ridge", "Eat, Sleep, Repeat", and "Incubator"

We had the pleasure of working with Windy on a previous film and I can't wait to film with her again.

Forth. Julia Broder.

Playing the  role of Sheryl Hunter.

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm2204590/

You'll recognize Julia from projects like, "Remedial Attraction", "Bible Battles", and "Roller Place"

Julia is really special and talented.  She is a great additional to the cast.

Well that is all for now. We will have some more cast announcements in the next few week's, but we wanted to share that with you guys now.  We appreciate all the encouragement and support. This has been so hard, and the emails, the encouragement, fuels us to keep going no matter how much my flesh tells me to give up. We hold on, we press in, and move forward...together.

Turkey Day

I'm listening to: the chatter in the car. I haven't listened to music in a while.

It's really foggy in North Carolina as we leave for the airport. For the past three years my family has flown on holidays...like today. I wonder if the fog will make it hard for the pilots to see. I wonder if our own arrogance, pride, and materialistic attitude will make it hard for us to see.

Eat up Americans.









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Julia Julia

I'm listening to: Dora the Explorer in the background

Had a great convo with Julia Broder today at 10:00am. You will soon find out who she is.  We have a lot of Where You Are meetings lined up in the future. Take it easy...i'm trying to post more, can you tell?

The Site

I'n listening to: the sound of a cars engine

I found out something about myself...

I suck at building websites. I've tried to work on the Where You Are site myself so we could save some cash, but I have -12 talents in the web area. Sooo...if somebody knows a great web designer...please send them my way. Late!

E: contact@c-istudios.com


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It's inside of me

I'm listening to: the wind passing by me.

I got to hang out with my dad today, so cool. My parents never stop parenting, and I think that's awesome. This blew me away though. My dad is a pretty distinguished guy, doctor, 2 PHD's blah blah...we were driving to Loews when he pulled over randomly on the side of the road. I looked around to see what was happening. He saw these men who were pushing their car up a hill. He stopped and said "let's go help them".

Now I see where I get it from. It's been inside me all along.





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Wait for Isaac, don't Ishmael

I'm listening to: "Sing it Out" by Switchfoot

I'm a plane in this sunset with no where to land. That's kinda how I feel right now. Inside of me...inside of C&I Studios is a dream of peace.  Usually I think of situations that are worse than my own, which usually keeps me pretty thankful.  I think about kids...africa...south america....america...kids that literally live in the dumps.  Then I look at people are closer to me.  Friends, who I know by name that also are dealing with their own struggles in America.  It just kinda makes me realize that we all need help. Everyone....everyone has something that they are struggling with.  When was the last time we picked up the telephone, not the text machine, or the macbook pro, of an email, but straight up called someone specifically to say "hi" and see how things are going....I'm sure we all have people who we know need support though a situation... And I guess its silly of me, but I dream of day when we all can support each other, grow together...cry together.  People always ask me what I would do with a million dollars...I usually think, I would do something to get even more money, to help even more people need.  But its just money.  Really deep down, we have hurts that money can't heal.  The kind of pain that can only be healed with real love...not the fake kind.

I guess that makes me feel like...there is sooo much to be done.  But I don't know how to dream small, and yes, I get so overwhelmed with not only my "problems" but those around me....and all I can really do, is take this camera, and these words and create something that will spark something inside of someone to become better.  That is my whole goal with Where You Are, that people would see this film, watch it, and leave, asking questions, leave feeling uneasy, and eventually asking themselves really tough questions which would inspire change. Thats all I know I can do.  This project is just so hard. Its like the work increases everyday, so it always feels so hard to reach this goal, to actively try and change this world.  So as I fill out papers, prepare this shot list, research all these legalities of what we are doing...its feels like i'm doing nothing...like i'm just behind a desk... While people are just dying...emotionally...physically.  I usually feel such a need to want to rush this project, get it off the ground, let it be the change...NOW...but...this project has a perfect timing to it...I'm a firm believer in things happening for a reason.  And I know that this will happen in perfect time, just like everything else has, and wait for what I know is ahead, instead of rushing and try to force it all to happen with my timing. The beauty of trust is that we cannot see what is ahead...and though it does get difficult daily....

I will wait for you...

I'm Peter Pan

I'm listening to: "Horizons" by: New City Lions

This song has been in my head for a while now. And this one line has been griping me.

"peter pan...put your sword away....its time to be a man...turn and face the day"

I think that sometimes we get caught up in neverland, and as fun, and fantastic it might seem...there is so much more. There is purpose. I believe there is a very specific purpose that we were all placed on this earth. And you know it too, you can feel it in your heart.  And when we all get serious....when look in the mirror, only at our eyes, we can be honest...raw... and ask...is this it....are we living it now?  I know there are times when I just wanna sit on the beach, laugh and talk with friends, and just hang out for days...days...but for me...right now... its time for me be a man, and face my responsibility...do what I'm here to do. Cause I might not be here tomorrow...this word right here, could be my last.......

...

...

it wasn't...good...I still have quite a lot to do. Don't forget why you are here. Time to be a man, pick up that guitar, that pen, that brush, that nikon camera, that microphone..and sing until your lungs hurt.  Do what you are here to do.  So that is where I am, my season...  I want to spend time with those that are close to me, all the time, but I know in my core, that I have a larger purpose.  So for right now, I need to work. action...  and when I feel like stopping, whenever feel defeated.....

run anyway.

It's so easy to forget to live. A friend of mine, Brooke Brown, wrote me an email the other day...just an email, and she was just so stinking encouraging...a lot of people have just been telling me to keep going...and I can't even tell you how much fuel that gave me.  funny, usually when people do something that really means a lot to us, we just smile, and usually think to ourselves, "wow that meant a lot" we might tell them thank you, or plan on telling them.  But we hardly ever really let them know how much it means...what places they touched in our withered hearts.  Sadly we have corrupted our own words..."thank you" hardly means thank you any more, because we have abused it, and forced ourselves to say it whenever.  So i'm learning to really be thoughtful with the people have that have really helped me.  And in my quest of living life, emails like these, simple emails that say "Josh, keep going...never give up" just re-light the fire in me, paste me back together when i'm so broken.  There aren't words I can say that would express how reading them makes me feel. This whole experience of where you are has just challenged me in so many ways.  its so long...man its so long, but I adore what I'm learning every new day.  Life is a countdown, and these days full of grace are the greatest things that could ever be given.

Dig Me Out

I'm listening to: "Always" by Switchfoot

Sorry, I haven't written in a while.  I still don't quite feel like I'm home yet.  We have been traveling a lot doing corporate work.  I wanted to talk about that for a second. If we ever mention what we are doing on Facebook, or on this blog, its only because we want you guys to know what we are up to.

During the time in my life when I was working at Camp Sonshine, I guess you could say I was the "popular guy".  I didn't really choose that, it just sorta worked out that way.  Soooo many "friends".  Everyone wanted to know what I was doing...it was weird, and very cool for a teenager.  Years went on like that. Then, I was dating a girl, that all my friends got to know and loved.  Three years later, we had the worst break up of all time I'm sure (doesn't everyone have a break up like that...the worst).  Many things were said, and almost instantly......all those friends were gone....  That popular guy learned how to put armor on, learned to protect himself.  He decided to keep to himself and really figure out who he was.  My years of 22-24 I learned a lot about myself.  So many scars on my heart.  I got to a place where I didn't tell anyone what I was doing.  I always wanted to keep my lips ever so tight.  So, its still tough to talk about what C&I Studios is doing, because I don't want it to ever come across like "hey look at us, we are so busy and so awesome".  We aren't like that, seriously.  It's really just so you know what goes on.  And it is that corporate work, those events/commercials/promos vids that we do and so on, that funds our films, it also funds monthly kids in Nicuragua, Swaziland, Kenya, South Africa, and the Phillipines... In our hearts we just desire peace and love. I'm such a hippie. (that is what our entire family was for Halloween by the way..Hippie's)

Some people know this but I've known Amy for about 9 years.  She came up to Camp Sonshine every year, and she was one of those friends, who stood by me, no matter what happened to me.  And guys aren't that smart...she eventually moved up to Maryland where the camp was, and it was during that time, that we got closer than ever, and it was through her, that she not only began to help heal me, but give me a new strength, and....she would lift me up so high (one tear down my face)  and she taught me how to laugh again. Love

Painful memories in the past are difficult, but the solution isn't putting on armor, being protected... its being free, vulnerable.  Its about having those tough conversations, when you don't want to....Its about learning to wear your scars like medals, like, "look what I have been through, and i'm still breathing".  And man its only though many many many terrible situations, that eventually lead me to crying on the balcony of this house, writing this film we call "Where You Are".

wow this was not the blog I was gonna write...weird...I was gonna write about my friend Brooke Brown...but that is the way it is...i never edit these things...no armor...thanks for being our friends.

I-95 Southbound

I'm listening to: "Reverly" by Kings of Leon

Auditions are over. Thank God. Things have been pretty busy. I'll post again about the auditions, but they were very successful and we are very happy with how things turned out.

But I wanted to talk a bit about a new transition that we are going through. C&I has a lot of new things that we will be rolling out soon. For right now though, its just a lot of paper work and nothing really "cool sounding" but we are definitely working pretty hard.

I've been working full-time with C&I Studios, and I have been burning the candle on both ends, as they say... We really believe that we are onto a new kind of media experience, and we want to keep our energy and motivation strong ...but it has been rough on me. So, to my aid, comes one of my DC partners Zachariah Lewis. He is moving his family (Jessie & Charlotte to Fort Lauderdale, to join me in running C&I, full-time. This will help with all C&I projects, but especially Where You Are.

I just wanted to give you guys an a update, so you know where we are. Thanks to everyone who reads the blog and sends us encouraging notes/emails, we really need it. It's extremely hard to make films that have meaning, when a lot of people just want to see "big things blow up" on screen. So thank you for being our friends. This next season of C&I will be very amazing.

I Probably Shouldn't Be Posting This

I'm listening to: "Obsession" by Delirious

(if you have that song, listen to it as you read this)

Just came off of a very rough phone call. Where You Are has one really big challenge. The project has gotten so big, but maintaining the integrity is one the hardest things I've ever tried to do. We need help...production help. So many producers have expressed interest in helping us with funding and so on. And while that is exactly what this project needs....Money...I don't want to just get it anyway I can. I had this conversation with a producer:

Producer: You aren't going to find any investor who cares about your project...all they want is to know how much money they are going to make.

Joshua: Well, I don't want that. I want them to care, and know what they are giving to.

Producer: Thats not reality, you'll never find that, you need to be understanding, and get back to reality, that isn't how it works.

Joshua: We can find that. And its really important to me that we work with people who are passionate about what we are doing, not just throwing money at it.

It went a lot deeper than that, but man it was so hard. Contracts were almost signed, but I just didn't feel good about it, I went back and forth actually. But in my core, I believe in the impossible. I believe in impossible things. This whole project is about people caring about each other, how could accept this selfish money, that only cares about making more. Isn't the integrity of what we are doing important? So something had to be sacrificed. And it wasn't the integrity of the project. And it never will be. The conversation ended with the producer telling me that "Aids has been around for a long time...big deal...you'll need to find something stronger".....

...go to africa, see a child with Aids...kneel down, look him in the eyes, and say...

"big deal"

The Cards

I'm listening to: nothing...just nothing

I woke up today thinking about my kid. How absolutely amazing she is. 7-months tomorrow. Funny, I look at her sometimes and think "wow we are your parents?.....you are mine?" its so interesting. We didn't get to pick her, she didn't get to choose us....she didn't fill out a form and say that she wanted to live in Fort Lauderdale, by the beach, and wanted a great mom and great dad. Freedom was just giving to us...we were given to her....those are our cards.

My great close friend of many years, Tara, sent me this poem this morning, super early this morning like 12am. And you can call it cheesy or campy, but its dead on in my opinion.

We pray for children
Who give sticky kisses
Who hop on rocks and chase butterflies,
Who stomp in puddles and ruin their math homerwork,
Who can never find their shoes.

And we pray for those
Who stare at photographers from behind barbed wires,
Who've never squeaked across the floor in new sneakers,
Who are born in places we wouldn't be caught dead,
Who never go to the circus,
Who live in an X-rated world.

We pray for children
Who who bring us fistfuls of flowers and sing off key
Who have goldfish funerals
And slurp their cereal on purpose
Who spit toothpaste all over the sink
And hug us for no reason.

And we pray for those
Who never get dessert,
Who watch their parents watch them die,
Who have no safe blanket to drag behind,
Who can't find bread to steal,
Who don't have rooms to clean up,
Whose pictures aren't on anybody's dresser,
Whose monters are real.

We pray for those
Who throw tantrums in the grocery store,
And pick at their food,
Who shove dirty clothes under the bed
And never rinse out the tub,
Who don't like to be kissed in front of their friends,
Who squirm in church and scream on the phone,
Whose tears we sometimes laugh at
And whose smiles can make us cry.

And we pray for those
Whose nightmares come in the daytime,
Who will eat anything,
Who have never seen a dentist,
Who aren't spoiled by anybody,
Who go to bed hungry and cry themselves to sleep
Who live and move, but have no being.

We pray for children
Who want to be carried
And for those who must.
For those we never give up on,
And for those who don't have a chance.
For those we smother,
And for those who will grab the hand of anybody
kind enough to offer.

Makes me think about America, Where You Are, Swaziland, and children around the wold. Makes me think about these missionaries who leave this great nation to spend time, and help others in needs in places we wouldn't dream in living. Amazing. Then that make me question, is Freedom spoiled, because she was born here? Am I somehow better because I was born here...No. Those are just the cards...and its about what we do with them that matters.

I started to think about why C&I does what it does. If you don't know anything about Where You Are:Project Swaziland, let me sum it up for you, simply. People have issues, problems all of the world, and people in America either don't care, are too "busy" to care, decide its "not their problem", or block it all out. The biggest problem in this world, the absolute largest problem, bigger than AIDS and Cancer is how people (mostly Americans) sit here, work here live here, watch the news, read the newspapers, know that there are problems all over the world, and do NOTHING....people love to talk....they even talk about the problems in the world, and what people "should" be doing...but it takes special people to DO. As those people read this, they immediately come up with excuses and try to justify their lifestyles, and come up with other things that they are "doing"..."I give this amount of money to the Red Cross, and blah blah blah", and i'm not dissin that...i'm just saying, any kid I know....and i've known kids, work with kids for a very very very long time....they would much rather...a hug...kicking a ball with you, you showing them love...giving them hope....rather than your money....

America is C&I's mission field....and we will never rest until hearts and minds are changed.

Join the Revolt!

Avenue of the Stars

I'm listening to: "All I Really Wanna Do" by "Bob Dylan

Anyone in the film industry knows the address "1000-2000 Avenue of the Stars". Home of the Creative Artists Agency, one of the biggest talent agencies in the world. I was at the post office today mailing off another little Where You Are nugget to one of my favorite agents-this time she called me to request information.

Things have been getting so stinking professional, its been weird for me. Of course we always do things with the highest quality. I'm just not to people talking about films as if they are dollars, instead of what they are about, and I never will get used to that. I've been having some good talks with these agents, and some of them could care less what the story is about...they just wanna know what the target audience is, and how much I think it will make. Funny. Hollywood is funny. I really think people listen to the loudest person thats talking....and right now thats Hollywood. Well guys....keep encouraging our little C&I engine, as we chug on down the line...Lets all make our voices loud....louder than the radio. The good news is there are good people still in the world, even at the Creative Artist Agent. So, keep your fingers cross as I think we are all being consistently shocked at where "Where You Are:Project Swaziland" is taking itself.

31

I'm listening to: "The Healing" by James Newton Howard

The average age for a woman in Swaziland is 31.

Restless

I'm listening to: Falling Slowly by: Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova

Sometimes I feel so close to this project. Things have been slowly falling into place over the last year an a half. This has been by far, the longest pre-production process I've ever been in. And its really been challenging for me. Why? I love to film. I live for it. I love being in ratty clothes, tired beyond your mind, looking at this preview screen, wearing headphones, watching the most talented people bring characters to life. I love the experience. I love how actors, and key grips, and gaffers, become friends, comrads...pals...(do people still say pal?)

I haven't been on a film set in over a year, and that has really been bothering me. We have chosen to stay focused on Where You Are and other feature films at this time, and we haven't been run and gunning like we used to. This will make for a much better film product in the end, I'm sure.

(iTunes changed...now I'm listening to: Prologue by: James Newton Howard, love him!)

So, for now we are still in pre production of Where You Are. We have officially signed on talent to the project (can't wait to tell you who), man there have been some exciting things that have happened. We are currently getting new producers as well. Its a lot. I'm humbled at how large this thing is...but ultimately despite everyone percentages and so on that we have to discuss and meet about, and all the contracts...

I just want to make this project. I just want to do it. And man, there is so much room for help. So many actors and crew members have told me "if I'm not cast, I still want to help". That is exactly what we need...help. Feel free to email me to get specifics on how you can help financially, and not. There is so much work, but it will be so rewarding as we step off that van in Siteki and look out on these people who have an understanding of life that we don't.

I want to make it so I can continue to realize how petite my issues and silly money problems are...none of it matters...I'm growing more and more thankful for the struggle that I'm in everyday, because some people...can't even struggle.

I'm writing a new film now by the way.....its titled... "Me, You, & the Road". Since we are close, I thought I should share that with you.

Live.

if you wanna help.....email us: contact@c-istudios.com

Official

I'm listening to: "Sea of Love" by Cat Power

Sorry I haven't written in a while, things have been super busy, which is great. I'm back in Florida. This month I've been more in DC than I have been in Florida, and that isn't right. But duty called so Zack and I did a ton of work in the district.

This will be a shorty cause our C&I meetings are Tuesday, but we got the Where You Are, official US copyright certificate in the mail yesterday. We register every film we write with the WGA, but for this one we also sent it out 6 months ago to the US copyright office to be officially ours. Feels good.

We are still scrolling through many headshots and watching many video auditions, and I can't wait to announce amazing things soon!

Uhhh, I haven't forgot

I'm listening to: "The Gambler" by Fun

Zach is notorious for giving me music that I listen to all the time. He is like a musical santa....that comes everyday....but he's isn't fat..

:)

I haven't forgot about you guys or this blog.... I guess me not blogging all the time, is good, that means we are working hard. Today I'll have some fun, the wife and I are FINALLY going to go do something for us...this hasn't happened in I can't even remember...we are going to see one of my favorite bands Switchfoot here in Fort Lauderdale. I hope to chill with Mr. Jon Foreman himself at the after party and talk to him about Where You Are.

Switchfoot has been a major inspiration to me, and Where You Are. And a lot of the film wouldn't have happened if Switchfoot and Jon Foreman wasn't blaring in my ears. They have no clue who I am, that I even exist....and I think that is the cool thing about art...film....music....you have the ability....when you take it seriously to really impact sooo many people who you don't even know...I can only hope that C&I will have the same impact on people all over the world.

FYI, my favorite Switchfoot song is: Life, Love, & Why. And if you are a fake SF fan, you have no clue what that even is....ha...

miss you guys, I promise to get the internets more...yes i said internets...not a typo.

On Screen

I'm still listening to: "Vanilla Twilight" - Owl City

news:

Auditions have been flooding in, so amazing to see the great talent. What is even more awesome is everyone that has emailed me so far as very moved by being a part of something important, something bigger. It's amazing to find that there are still amazing passionate people in America.

My wife and I were watching a film last night.....really can't remember the name. Well let me start over. A few days ago, it was time to move Freedom into her crib, so she could begin to sleep in her own bed. This was really hard for amy and I. Being 20 steps away was like some sort of separation, I still hate every moment of it. So the only way this was possible was to buy one of those crappy baby monitor things. But we really wanted to see her, so we got one that had a screen, and it sits on our night stand so we can see and hear here.

Well during the moving.....State of Play, that was it. We both have to watch it again, because we found that during the whole move we kept asking each other what happened, cause we were always looking at her baby monitor screen. Our TV in our room is a 57" Samsung HD, amazing TV (come on, a I'm film director), it has an amazing picture, and we rarely watch anything that isn't in HD, I mean why would you.

I just think its interesting that depsite our glorious TV, and the amazing talent of Russell Crowe, Ben Affleck and others all displayed in HD....what kept our attention, was the crappy, heave small 4inch CRT(not LCD) baby monitor....

It really made me think...As a film director and producer, the image, and quality is really important to us. We shoot with these RED cameras that are so amazing, with these expensive microphones and huge productions...But when its all said and done.....its whats on the screen that matters.

Story is King.

Forget the budget and all the production value that will go into this project, I want people to be moved by the story of the film, the interviews from the documentary, and the camp. I want people to be moved by people, by what they are seeing. It's all about whats on screen, and I know Hollywood has forgotten that. I usually find myself watching films and I think "this film was absolutely horrible, how did it make it in theaters". Well hollywood is very different than C&I Studios. T hey only look at what is marketable, and what will sell, thats it. Nothing else really matters. For us, we care about making something that other will want to see, but we are way more interested in doing this project to reach out beyond ourself, and speak for a group of people who have no voice....We are way more interested in using our acting, directing, producing, and cinematography talents for something more than a quick buck. And we can't wait to put these moments on the screen.

Feel Alive Again

I'm listening to: "Vanilla Twilight" by Owl City (on my iPhone)

Our MacPro (Counte Mondego) is installing Snow Leopard right now, so I can't open up iTunes, thank god for the iPhone. (remember when we all got on the bus, went to school, got back on the bus, got off at our bus stop and walked home....all without cell phones....I swear the technology is killing our minds...maybe i'll read a newspaper today and play MathBlasters (remember that game)...my sister would be proud of me....unless its the sun-sentinel that I read.

I'm still getting adjusted to this new work environment. After many long talks with my wife, my sidekick (freedom) my managers (mom+dad), and my partners we have decided to finally let C&I Studios be my full time job. I'm looking forward to see what the future holds. I gotta tell you, its not easy. It's not easy cause its not safe, its not secure. And it really requires us to put our faith and our trust in something bigger...

It's only been a week so far and things have been working out well, thanks for all the emails from all of you. I feel really supported. Thanks Windy, Brad, mom and dad, and...mom and dad, Zachariah, Sarah, and Isaac

Some news:

Zachariah drives to Philly tomorrow to pick up some new equipment. Please let me know if there a good restaurant up there that he should check out on the way.

The Owl City show is coming up really soon, and we are excited to shoot that. Its been in the works for a long time.

I'll be in DC a lot in September, so if you are reading this from MD or the District, let me know, so we can have a midnight conversation.

Onto my friend-Where You Are. We have set the auditions for October 24th, 2009 at the DC Arts Center. So if you know of good serious actors, tell them shoot us their info, here is my email: contact@c-istudios.com

This is a big step for us, really reaching out to find the right people to play these characters who are already full of life. I love what we are doing. Ya know, sometimes, everything doesn't make sense. Sometimes life is just life. I just think when you believe in something, just go after it, and never quit. Ever. It has been a crazy marathon so far, and its been hard, but beautiful at the same time. I don't have a "real job" now. Who says I need one? I love how I feel like I'm really living, spending more time with my sidekick and my wife. Oh bills....ha....sadly they don't care that I don't have a real job...they keep coming for some reason. If anyone knows how to stop them, let me know. We can make a film about it :)

A big part of C&I Studios is our work, our corporate and creative work. We have always shot, and edited for companies (commercials, promos, events, that sort of thing). Now that is the bulk of what we do now. And we are excited that the more we do, the more we will be able to put in to our creative projects like Where You Are, and many many more films/shows/podcasts. So its been awesome to get out of the long line, and start our own.....do something different.

I wish you could see who we've become....

When violet eyes get brighter, And heavy wings grow lighter , I'll taste the sky and feel alive again , And I'll forget the world that I knew , But I swear I won't forget you, Oh, if my voice, could reach back through the past , I'd whisper in your ear, Oh darling I wish you were here...

kings to you fernand...

here is a pic of my sidekick grabbing fruit at Publix (no her hands aren't huge, its just that the camera is close, silly....)

This 27 lives for you

I'm listening to: "Cycling Trivalities" by Jose Gonzalez

I lost my job today (yes I had a real job) happened about 1 hour ago.

I have a wife a child who visits the doctor frequently. I live in a great condo on Fort Lauderdale beach. The Honda Element and Hyundai Santa fe are our two vehicles of choice....I can't forget about my beloved Honda Met. Electricity, water, cell phones, internet.....all things we have found to be a necessity. My daughter......and all of her new born expenses....allthough if she were to read this, she would tell you that she is not a newborn anymore. I feel so weird.....this has never happened to me before.....all I can think of is....

Life is beautiful.

So many people in Swaziland and across the globe have it so much worse than I do. Instead of thinking of how they will pay for their amazing lifestyles, they think about how they will find clean water in the next 30 minutes.

Life is beautiful.

I can only be excited about this new chapter.....this fresh season of anticipation and nervousness. I am not alone...I can feel your approach.

Thanks for being our friends.

Broward and US-1

I'm listening to: "Teardrop" by Jose Gonzalez

news:

-C&I got on the twitter train, and we've been making tweets, for the tweeters to see. So yeah...if you are on there, let us know so we can follow you....user name c_istudios

-we are working on a new video for Facebook....top secret stuff...hopefully it will come out soon.

-we have another feature being written this year, as well as a great new podcast. We are doing some cool stuff. Thanks for being our friends.

A few days ago, my friend Susan (who runs the camp/school in Swaziland) returned to her home in Fort Lauderdale, so we hooked up at the local Starbucks on Broward and US-1. It was just awesome. We got a chance to talk. She finally saw pictures of my Freedom, and we talked all about Swaziland and life. So great.

I read a blog earlier by Brad Lewis, about communication, and how he's found that awesome conversations happen usually when are you away from your "usual" surroundings. I totally agree. I think people get caught in the trap of the routine (they don't think they are caught but they are). Literally driving on the same exact roads, walking down the same exact hallways, getting the exact same drink from Starbucks, the same exact sub from Subway, and end up talking to the same exact people. This happens everyday, then we usually wonder why nothing amazing is happening to us....Well from what I see, if we live that sort of life, that isn't really amazing anyway. To get friends, you have to be a friend, the best life lesson I'm re-learning, cause I watch Veggie Tales with my daughter daily. I recommend Veggie Tales especially for people who are too old for it. When was the last time, we planned something, drove somewhere where we didn't know how to get there, and met someone...stood awkwardly wondering when this person will show up. Since we've been down here in Florida, meeting new friends, and forcing ourselves to get out there, has been a very familiar situation.

It was awesome meet up with Susan at Starbucks. She really encouraged me with Where You Are . I do go up and down with this project all the time. Sometimes there is so much good news to spread and other times I get so overwhelmed with the amount of paperwork and planning that I'm doing that I get discouraged. Susan told me that the kids are so excited to meet us. She's been talking with them, and she's says that they are just so pumped and they smile each time they here the name C&I Studios. Thats so awesome. That gave me so much fuel just to imagine their smiles. Some of the women in Stieki (pronounced si-teki) made us some awesome hand made cards. so cool. Then we talked a lot about the film, and the best ways to film it, and work with the people in the town. Its so big. A lot to plan. We had scheduled ourselves to be in Swaziland in October, but that will have to pushed back, sadly....

But she said this to me. She said "Josh sometimes people get so worked up and try to force something to happen, you have to realize that its already happening, maybe not at the speed you want it to" She encouraged me that the kids will be there, and they are waiting for us. I just hope that they won't have to wait so long. But this project isn't about me or my timing, but for now I'll just plan it and continue to dive in the the paperwork and press on like we have the budget that we need, and have more unique conversations with people and build new relationships.

relationships....life is about relationships...and I hope I can be re-taught that lesson over and over every single day.

9855 Days

I'm listening to: "The Burning Bush" by Hans Zimmer

Today is my birthday.

On the calendar I told myself to wake up at 12am and write a blog, but that wasn't happening last night, so here I am at 6:44am. I don't really like my birthday (maybe i'll tell you why someday). I don't really like all the attention and all the focus on me. I also just don't understand why only today it will feel like I have so many friends...when in reality......

Anyway. The only thing I can think of this 27th year is how this year will be someone's last year on this earth. This year I've learned a lot, I really been focusing on learning more about people and communication. My biggest lesson so far this year has been that life is a gift, and I'm not sure why people don't understand that. We make plans in our daily planners, for future days, we set our alarms and schedules, to meet with people, and we plan. We plan like this life is somehow ours...when in reality life has been given to us.

People always say "oh yeah tomorrow isn't promised to us" but we don't really believe that cause our actions don't show that. If we really believed it then we would act like it. Things would be said that have always needed to be said, there would be more hugs, more love, more reconciliation, more kisses. Some would realize that the petty arguments and vows of silence are somehow ridiculous. Life. We write films about life because that is the only thing that matters. And now I've reached the 27th year of my life, and I'm really just thankful. As much of a struggle of Where You Are is....I'm so thankful that I have something to struggle with...some people don't.

Where You Are......I love this film. I love this project. I'm meeting up with Susan sometime today, she runs the organization in Swaziland, and she just got back to Fort Lauderdale, so we are gonna grab coffee and hopefully, talk, laugh, and cry.

Oh, I did want to try and share with you some things that we are do for Where You Are, its not like we are sitting around waiting for it to fall in our laps. We just finished our DIT plan, and for those of you are into Wikipedia you can find out what that is. But Zachariah, my partner, is responsible for one of the biggest tasks on this project, (the footage...aka...the gold), and he just finished writing the plan of how we will store over 12TB of footage and back it all up. So we just finished that, and we are putting that in place now.

That has nothing to do with what I was talking about, but I'm just letting my heart tell the story today, and it just wants to be all over the place right now. I never edit these blogs, I just write them as the hearts wants to say them. I guess you could ask what do I want out of this year? Well, I'm not a fan of making goals, plans, lists...only to not follow through with them. I am a huge fan of accountability. And people sometimes don't realize that when their real friends are telling them something difficult they aren't deciding to be a jerk, they are actually being a real friend. I have two real friends, who are my partners, Zachariah, and Sarah. They keep me accountable, ask me questions, push me, challenge me. Without that, goals would just be letters on a paper. And because of their accountability that is why we move forward. So do a quick check around you, the people in your life that will tell you the truth, which is sometimes not what you wanna hear, the ones that actually will have the rough conversations...those are the ones you wanna hold onto. I'm so blessed to have both Zach and Sarah as my partners, but more importantly, friends.

My birthday wish...has nothing to do with me, but all of us. Its the same wish I have everyday, the wish for Where You Are, for our studio for everything. LIVE life....refuse to get caught up in things that don't really matter....take a day off, visit the beach, visit great falls. Take our your camera out, whip out that paint brush...get behind that keyboard...take your family, and go out, take pictures, have a pinic, watch the sunrise...tell someone that you love them...tell someone that you are in love with them....LIVE life....LIVE life

...by the way, my left leg hurts when I wake up, the right side of my hip stings, I can't sleep through the night without going to the bathroom.......someone tell me body I'm not getting older please.

...and another one

I'm listening to: "Your Love is Strong" by: Jon Foreman

I'm at work right now (yes I have a real job.....for now...gotta do that insurance thing for my girls..) anyway

I work with this guy Alex, who is really cool, has a good heart. 4 minutes ago he asked me if I'm filming anything, or planning anything....baby!...so I got to talk about Where You Are, and he was really captivated and excited about it. I got more excited...

another person just got on the Where You Are train....

My Secret Weapon

I'm listening to: "10 hours" by Warren Barrfield

Some news. Sorry I've been in the shadows. I have problems. But anyways here is some upcoming items for C&I:

8.14.09

C&I Studios has entered into the 48hr film festival in Miami, should be fun. We are always trying to create more and more films (especially shorts, that help our Reach program), hopefully this should turn out well. We are excited about it.

9.12.09

C&I is set to record a live concert with Owl City at the Rock & Roll Hotel in DC. We are really pumped about working with this really talented artist. This project is going to turn out really well.

Where You Are is doing well. I struggle constantly with producing this film. It's so beyond me. And that is a good thing. I know that this film will mean more than them all put together, and not because of how it will be made, but because of the things I've learned.

The biggest thing I've learned about being a filmmaker is that, having an amazing wife is better than any film equipment you could ever have. My wife (amy) is the reason C&I has been successful with everything. I know that people watch our films, and see the amazing quality, good acting, powerful music and all of that, but what most people fail to see is the one woman that powers ever production. How you ask?....Amy is the one that encourages me like no one else in the world to write more. Her gentle back rubs, and much needed massages happen every-time I write a screenplay. She is always the first person to hear the film as an simple idea, she then breathes life into it, by giving me time to write it, and develop it. It's her excitement that carries me often. My wife is a fashion girl, she is also ridiculously hot. She loves shopping, the beach, and having fun, but she also has chosen to fall in love with filmmaking because of me. I don't know many women that would let their husbands take away the living room/family room to put an entire studio in it. And she loves it, supports it. She's honest with me about when something is done well, and when it can be better. And when I feel alone producing anything, sometimes she says absolutely nothing, but just sits right next to me, as I work. I love her...As our films fail....and some of them have....Amy is the one that scrapes up the broken pieces of me and someone assembles them together even stronger than they were before. She teaches me to write again. Dream again...oh I might have failed to mentions that each of our films always cost thosands upon thosands of dollars to make, and Amy's response is always the same.. "babe will do whatever we have to, to make it happen". And she does. She always does.

So when I think about Where You Are, and dreaming about the moment where I pace back and forth in the back of the theatre while others watch this film, know this.... While you are sitting in the seat, glued to the beautiful film canvas, captivated by beauty, know that it was all because this one woman chose to love me in a way that no film could ever capture. I'm no fool. Our studio is blessed to have Amy. Not only putting me in front of her own needs, but putting the studio in front as well.

My wife is love.

Find The Beauty

I'm listening to: "Safe Place" by Enter the Worship Circle

I can't sleep. Well its only 11:43pm. Early for some of your I'm sure. But I have two girls I take care of now, both who like to sleep early. It's that I'm not tired, its that something is preventing me from sleeping....i'm restless. I'm uncomfortable.

oh...please read the post below this if you are new....my fear is that some of these get lost in the shuffle, but that last one by sarah means a lot to me, and it comes from a really special place.

....I have a tough time trying to say what I wanna say....music slams in my head as I type drowning out the sound of my fingers on the keyboard, just the way I like it.

My daughter...

She is four months on July 16th. Wow, I can't believe she is almost four months...I noticed something about her around her 3rd day being in this world. She looks at everything. She holds her eyes sooo big, she opens them so wide, and she has a tough time going to sleep now during the day, cause she doesn't want to miss anything. The other day we were over a buddies house, and she just couldn't stop looking at the ceiling. The ceiling. She starred at it. So...I starred at it, I didn't see anything, nothing special, but eggshell paint, it wasn't even one of those rough ceilings that you see sometimes. She looked at it for a while, then she looked at a pillow, she looks at everything. And its not like she just looks around, she studies, she is very observant. She likes to understand things. When Amy and I are discussing anything, Free Free gets really quiet and she just looks at us, trying to understand what we are talking about it. She just looks at everything.

Freedom finds the beauty in everything. It doesn't have to be a flower, it can be a bearded gentlemen asking for change on the street that captures her attention for the moment....anything, she finds the beauty in him, she finds the beauty in everything....she has nothing to hold her back. I can only pray that she will never lose that trait. Seems like everything these days bring me to Where You Are....and Free certainly did. Because she misses no opportunities. If there is something she hasn't seen before, she is quick to turn her head and stare at it, and i'll have to grab her sometimes, cause she'll look so hard that she try to get out of my grip. She captures it all in. I want that. I wanna be like her. I wanna see the beauty in everything. I wanna look at the ocean like I've never seen it before. Or look at the homeless man on the street, and not think about what he will do with the money, just think about...him. the person. I wanna live like that. I wanna live, and not miss opportunities to see, talk and feel. The beauty of film, I think are lenses. Lens companies do their best to replicate the human eye, the closer they get the better the image, but they will never come close. Never. Film is awesome cause we try to do our best to capture the things that we see. Film also won't judge what the lens sees, it just captures beauty, and love....Beauty and love. There are so many amazing things in this world, so many amazing stories, so many amazing people, but sometimes we miss opportunities to share, to talk, to laugh, to cry....we get on the elevator and hold our heads down, pull out our iPhone's so we don't have to talk to anyone....missing life. Missing opportunities....Humanity 2.0. We talk about that a lot. We look forward to that. We look forward to Where You are, to strike up conversations with people, to hug, to love, to reveal, to laugh and cry....Together. And see the beauty in Africa, see the beauty and love. Capture it the best way we know how, and show it to the world.

...Do something random, surprise yourself, do whatever it takes to break your legs out of their pattern and walk down a different hallway to your office this time. Discover how wide and deep your love is. Find the beauty in what exists all around you.

Thank you for believing in us...

I Feel Invisible

I'm listening to: "first breath after coma" by explosions in the sky
(This is Sarah. Just so you know.)
I'm in camp mode right now. Which means working 14 hours a day on a good day, doing all sorts of random manual labor, pretty much having no friends except my car as we go to and from work each day, and talking to kids.

Talking to kids. Without a doubt, my favorite part of the job. Depending on how old they are, the experience is so completely different.

The little ones are so honest, so free to say what they think, no matter how it sounds. If one bothers another, they hit each other. Done.

The older ones, though... The older ones.

Today I spent a half hour with a group of 11-year-old girls. Girls who hurt each other everyday. By not including everyone, by talking behind each other's backs... it's a rough world out there. While I was with them, I had them write down how they had felt, if any of them had been bullied in the past week. And here's what I got:
I felt like I didn't exist.
I felt terrible.
I felt like I had a disease and like no one wanted to be my friend.
I felt invisible.

It didn't take too long for my mind to wander to Siteki.

Taking time to sit with these girls and talk to them gave them a voice. They were free, so able to talk about how they'd failed and how they'd felt. They had an adult who made them feel safe, who listened to them.

One thing that is lacking in this world is people taking time to listen to kids. In some cases, like in Siteki, I'd guess, there isn't really time for that. The adults that are with the children there are trying to make ends meet, trying to take care of the basic needs--food, shelter, clothing. That makes sense to me.

But all of us yearn to be heard, to be understood, to be free. Some of us are blessed to be placed in environments growing up where we have those needs met. So many are not. So, yes, I'm excited to go to Swaziland, to make this film, to run the camp, to inspire action...

But more than any of that, I just want to listen. To prevent one more child in the world from feeling invisible.

Then We Succeed

I'm listening to: "Please Don't Go" by Barcelona

hey all,

first a little news. sarah is at camp now.......a part of me feels like I'm at camp now too. It's crazy to think that we will be running that in Swaziland. Anyway news.....uhhh nothing huge at the moment. We are planning to hold the 1st Where You Are audition in Washington D.C. in late August/early September. Once we cast this will allow us to do some much necessary test shoots, before we film the film. More details about the auditions will come very soon. We will run a few probably in some different cities, but we are excited to get this going.

Movies...... I love watching movies... you might think that is typical, but I like watching all types of film...all types, EXCEPT horror........uhhh..........uhh...okay i'm gonna get up on soap box about horror movies.....they make me sick. And its not because of the blood or gore that is in them, but its bigger, I can't get lost in a horror movie (and I do say movie, not film). Usually when I've watched them in the past, I can see myself watching one, and that is what makes me sick...what is so terrible about them, is that people pay for them, and pay to watch them, for entertainment. People pay to see people be viscously killed and "its cool". To me its no different than putting on come clothes, going to the Colosseum to see some people get killed by lions...that was there entertainment back them, gather around put some people in there and watch them be killed. Now one would argue that the horror movie isn't real, no one is really dying.....but the feeling you feel is real....probably the same way someone would feel watching in a Colosseum... its just strange... it represents the dark dark side of humans... the fact that we want to see that kind of thing, scares the hell out of me. okay, sorry I wasn't planning that...and of course I'm thinking about deleting it, but....I'm not.

I love film because to me its an education, I love to study. So i'll watch them all, action, chik flicks, and all that, cause I love to study, see what the director did. But the entertainment has been lost, I haven't found myself lost in a moving story in so long. Seems like now everyone wants computers to make their films, put 2 actors in a green warehouse and make Transformers. (Which I'm sure will make millions and millions and millions of dollars, the first one made over 150 million, and the second has already made 200 million in one weekend...but its a pointless movies, about robots, which is cool, but doesn't inspire or move anyone to change anything about themselves. and on the side you have "Into the Wild" which got no attention, at all, but had one of the strongest messages I've seen in a long time).......and what will they do with the 300+ MILLION dollars that they have now.........uhhh make Transformers 3 of course....uggg...Movies... They can be so powerful. Its a lot of power to take millions of dollars and create something. I'm excited that C&I will always use that power for good. We will always use that power to create something that inspires people, that tries to open up all of our eyes, instead of making something with a bad story line, bad acting, but has "super cool CGI".

I was watching this interview thing I watch, a group of guys sitting around a table, drinking wine, basically discouraging every film maker in the world about how hard it is to make a film and how people should just be using youtube and stuff, to showcase work and that "you are better off winning the lottery than making a successful movie". Its funny, cause they consider themselves to be so knowledgeable about the film industry, but man, they lack hope...they lack something bigger, they are just marching in line with the other ants....without hope for anything else, and sadly they are broadcasting this show erasing hope from other dreamers...so sad. When people have dreams why are there always people who wanna crush it? So, I began to think, what if Where You Are doesn't make it, what if the film gets no attention, what if only three people watch it, it "fails" in the eyes of hollywood, and we lose money, and we are stuck with a mountain of unsell-able dvd's.......well if that happens...

Then we succeed...

why..because I'm just so hopefully that if even three people watch it then its good? no. but if three people watch it and are inspired to create something, do something, if three people watch it and they affect the other people that they interact with, if they then challenge people, and they themselves create something new.....we succeed. If no one watches it, we succeed...why, cause there are a group of kids in Swaziland that we just loved on during camp.......

and everyone of those hugs is worth more than any film.

here is pic of Swaziland. These are the exact kids and the exact location of where we are going...thanks for being our friends.

One Dies...Another Gets Even Stronger

I'm listening to: "Divine Romance" by Phil Wickhman

Hey...

We decided to get rid of our other blog, you may not have ever heard of it. It was C&I Studios News. It was just too hard to keep both of these up and running, and now with this facebook thing, a lot of our news goes there. But in an effort to keep the news running, i'll be updating this blog with some general C&I Studios News, which will also translate into Where You Are updates as well. I hope you don't mind. So one blog died tonight......

moment of silent for the zeros and ones....

over it....

Tonight I wanna talk about community. Community and filmmaking...they go hand in hand for me. Let me explain why. I'm so isolated being in Florida, my business partners and close friends are in D.C. and I'm down here, so far away. Some nights...like tonight its easy to feel so alone. And why would I think that. I have a a beautiful wife, and a beautiful daughter, so why would I feel so....how I feel now... I've been thinking about community recently. And how I love community, the feeling of a group a people doing something together, struggling together. I would always tell Amy, I wish I would pick some of my friends and just move to an island together. Its community that I crave so much. To have people who understand you, on the same wavelength, non-judgmental...that you can fall back on. I don't know maybe that doesn't exist anywhere, but its a dream of mine, and the reason I like film so much, is because it takes a community to make one. Good filmmaking is not a one man band. And I'm enjoying being a part of the Where You Are community. The heart beat of C&I is people coming together, working together, to create something beautiful. And I believe that we will all learn something about ourselves, and each other.

Live Together, Die Alone.

We are so excited to you join us. Each of you will bring something so new, and unique to the project. That is going to be really special, and this blog will continue to document this adventure. I sometimes imagine what it will be like to blog in Africa, I can't wait. (well i can wait a little, we have a lot to do) Its funny too, our studios has such an international heart beat, but really Sarah is our only international traveler so far. I went to the DR with my wife a couple years back, but that really doesn't count as "being out of the country. Does it?" So, really i'll get to have the experience of Where You Are (just so you know in the studio we abbreviate our film titles so when we talk about Where You Are, we always say WYA) and the experience of true international travel. I'm excited about life, even if I'm down in Florida away from so many. I'm sure that being isolated and down here has been the best thing for the project, and allowed me to focus and reflect. And honestly, WYA would have never if we didn't move to Florida, but that story is for another blog.

I'm going to do my best to update this blog more, on a regular basis, but I also don't want to over burden you either. So sit back, relax and enjoy this journey with us.

I read something somewhere that if you want more people to read your blog you should have pictures.......i don't have any...

Everything else was just a prequel...

I'm listening to: "Intimate Stranger" by Delirious

hey there... hope you all have been doing well. C&I Studios has been going through a lot of changes in the past few weeks, which has been really really great. We are excited to continue to move this ship forward. What's really interesting about Where You Are, is that its caused us to question a lot of things about the studio. And if you ask me we have completely changed our studio because of this project. It's been an awesome journey so far. And to me, its the journey that matters.

A lot of people can't wait until they "arrive", win the oscar, or land that "big part", but I think its the journey matters more than where you will end up. I look at the things that i've learned along the way and its been refreshing. This project has changed me, and the people that we have met as well has been so meaningful. To me the road to Where You Are is just as important as Where You Are. And sure there have been down times, and discouragement, but that mostly comes from ourselves I think.

Its funny how we can be our own worst enemy. I remember my college days; I would sleeping in the bed and my alarm would go off at 6:30am. (what an insane time to wake up, who has anything to do then), but the alarm would ring, and I would silence it. Then I would always do something so stupid... My body try to convince my mind that I didn't have to go to class, and that missing one class wouldn't be so bad, or that, "you know the professor is just going to talk about the same thing again", "you can get the notes from someone". ha. man I missed so many classes, and had to repeat a bunch along the way in order to graduate. We can be our own worst enemy. We, us, ourselves can convince ourselves to stop....give up. Why? I don't know, maybe its our fear of failure, or we are so overwhelmed with everything else that is going on, we can't even see how our small tiny little hearts can change anything in this love lost world.

So learning how to go against the grain, to do what seems impossible, to fail, and continue to fail and then....continue...these lessons have been so valuable to me. And I know Where You Are will be better because of it, but also me as a person, I want to continue to go through these new trials... the road that we are on now, is the one that matters most.

Holding my daughter in my hands, looking into my wife's loving eyes, and this project in my heart, I feel like my life is just starting. Everything before this was just a prequel... I feel like everything before was just setting me up for these new moments. Before, a long time ago, I worked at a summer day camp for nine years called Camp Sonshine from the ages of 13-22. There I learned a lot about love, how to show it, not preach it. That is where I found a love of acting, and drama, and then later there, a love of video, film, story-telling. It was there that I knew I love kids, and how they continue to steal a large portion of my heart. Kids are innocent....they are honest. They will tell you what they think, their laughs are genuine, always... and I miss hearing that more than anything. It was at camp where I struggled to figure out who I was and what I wanted out of life. It was at camp where I failed....a lot, so many times letting my attitude and ego get in the way of the bigger picture. It was camp where I learned to pick myself up from failures and continue to press on, and be different.

Wow.... .... wow..

Well, the reason I wow, is because this project is all about kids, love, and a struggle within all of us. A big part of the project is a day camp that we are running in Swaziland for the kids, mostly with HIV, to show them real love and give them hope and purpose. I'm honored that it will be Camp Sonshine that joins with us now, to run the camp, and be featured in the documentary and the film. Wow. Sarah and I got to meet with David Black, the founder of Camp Sonshine about a week ago in Maryland, and it was amazing to sit and talk with him and be excited together...again. David, is such an amazing person! And though sometimes I've heard the same things repeated from him over the years, its those words now that give me more strength to continue on....

"have a vision so big, that without God intervening...it will fail..."

so we press on, thanks for believing in us.

p.s. by the way I get up at 6:30am now everyday for Freedom....ironic, huh...but this time I LOVE IT.